One dark and stormy night, a man was walking down the street and heard a thumping noise behind him. Looking back, he saw a coffin following him, upright. 

He was a bit nervous and began walking a little bit faster. The coffin continued, "Thumpety thump, thumpety thump." 

He began running and the coffin kept up and began opening and closing, "Thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap." 

Terrified he ran to his front door, and went inside, slamming the door and locking it. 

The coffin continued, "Thumpety thump, thumpety thump - CRASH," it came right through the door. 

He ran up the stairs, and right behind him, "Thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap." 

He rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, but the coffin broke through the door - "Thumpety thump, thumpety thump crash." 

Terrified, the man grabbed the first thing he found, a bottle of robutusin and threw it - and the coffin stopped!