Shoe

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe but she wasn’t the sole owner, there were strings attached. #lamejoke 

Headache

Joey says that every time he gets a headache, he takes two Ibuprofen and keeps away from his children. Just like the bottle says. #lamejoke

Brussels

I’m not angry that a witch turned me into a Brussels sprout. But I am a little bitter. #lamejoke

Cat

I told the cat I was going to teach him English. He looked at me and said "Me? How?" #lamejoke

Family

In the show "The Addams Family", many people assumed "Thing" was a family member. He was just a hired hand. #lamejoke 

Belt

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space. Terrible joke – only three stars. #lamejoke 

Millionaire

The deceased millionaire rewarded Santa by putting a clause in his will. #lamejoke

Present

E is the only letter in the alphabet that gets a Christmas present. Why? Because the rest were not-E. #lamejoke 

Rumors

Rumors are circulating that Santa has tragically passed away. I didn’t believe it at first, but there’s a large body of evidence. #lamejoke

Cancun

Apparently, Cancun is becoming a popular destination for tourists to meditate in the sun. Prolly why they call it the yoga tan peninsula. #lamejoke

Clowning

Just completed a two year clowning course. No small feat. #lamejoke

Grass

My grass seems to grow in these small bunches and there’s nothing I can do about it. I guess it’s just tuft luck. #lamejoke

Bread

Two slices of bread were getting married. It was all going well until somebody decided to toast the bride and groom. #lamejoke 

Streets

Walking home late last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, a hot fudge sundae, and a lemon cheesecake. I thought to myself, “The streets are strangely desserted tonight.” #lamejoke 

Pizza

Good King Wenceslas’s favorite type of pizza? Deep pan, crisp, and even. #lamejoke

Gingerbread

I knew a guy that would eat every part of a gingerbread man except the shoes. He was afraid they were laced with something. #lamejoke

Butter

I think that fake butter tastes better than real butter. But only margarinally. #lamejoke

Wolf

Joey taught his pet wolf how to meditate. Now he’s aware wolf. #lamejoke

Santa

Found out the real reason Santa only had dimes and quarters. He was Nicholas. #lamejoke

Smoking

Joey’s doctor recommended he start smoking. I think he’s leading him ashtray. #lamejoke 

Lawn

After years of research I finally figured out the secret to a healthy lawn is sprinkling protein powder on the wet morning grass. This idea was whey over dew. #lamejoke 

Job

If you need a job, try Search and Rescue. They’re always looking for people. #lamejoke 

Arrested

The kid tripped, bashed his leg between the top of his shin and the bottom of his thigh, and got arrested. Sounds like a minor fell on knee to me. #lamejoke

Elvis

I’ve been waiting a long time to tell an Elvis joke. But it’s now or never. #lamejoke 

Teeth

Don’t throw false teeth at your vehicle. You might denture car. #lamejoke 

Sad

They say that if you feel sad, pet a duckling. I did, and still felt down. #lamejoke

Pyramids

If you look at pyramids, they're basically square. But only up to a point. #lamejoke

Loki

Loki impersonated his brother for an extended period of time, but the strain was too much for his muscles. He was Thor for days. #lamejoke 

Cowboys

Cowboys in the old West would hang a lantern from their saddle to see the trail in the dark. It was an early form of saddle light navigation. #lamejoke