Monday, October 31, 2016

Pavlov is sitting in the bar.

A customer walks in and the bell over the front door rings.

"Shit!" says Pavlov. "I forgot to feed the dog!"

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Where is the bathroom for IT people located?

At the IP address.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Thursday, October 27, 2016

This farmer asks a scarecrow if he likes his job.

"Well," says the scarecrow, "this job isn't for everyone, but hey, it's in my genes."

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Our local brewery is trying to figure out who's been swimming in the vats of fermented apple juice.

They're fairly certain the culprit is an incider.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Measuring the speed of bugs is a great way to enhance any enjoyable experience.

If you don't believe me...

Time flies when you're having fun.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Why are trees useless at eating?

They're all bark and no bite.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

First question: "Describe yourself in 3 words."

Joey: "I'm not very good with numbers."

(Thanks, Trish)

Friday, October 21, 2016

What do you call an arrogant criminal running down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

What material makes the best breast implants?

Mammary foam.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

What happens if you go into labor in the ocean?

You have to have a sea section.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height?

From my head, tomatoes.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Why do ghosts shiver and moan? 

It's drafty under that sheet.
What do you call an egg that is neither good nor bad?


Saturday, October 15, 2016

Why did body painting stop the senator from casting a vote?

He was ab staining.

Friday, October 14, 2016

How do tiny bakers spice it up in the bedroom?

Roll playing.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Why do the French have only one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf!

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed as a convict for a costume party.

He soon learned you should never book a judge by their cover.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

What is it called when a skeleton works for free?

Pro Bono.

Monday, October 10, 2016

Why was Han Solo crying at the dinner table?

Because the meat was Chewie.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

What do you call a surgeon who repairs dog organs?

An in-terrier designer.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Friday, October 7, 2016

What was the biggest island on earth before Greenland was discovered?


Thursday, October 6, 2016

What brand of coffee does an origami artist like the best?


Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Why did the bug avoid the chair with the spider on it? 

It didn't want to get caught in the web of da seat.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

A man and his companion, traveling the desert, see a cluster of tents in the middle of nowhere.

The man decides to investigate and he discovers that it's a marketplace.

The first stall he comes to has glass bowls filled with custard and pieces of cake.

He nods to the stall holder and goes to the second stall. It, too, has bowls filled with custard and cake.

He then goes to the next stall and the next stall, and all they seem to have is these bowls with filled with custard and cake.

He finally shakes his head in disbelief and returns to his friend.

His friend says "So what was that?"

He replies "It was a trifle bizarre."

Monday, October 3, 2016

Sunday, October 2, 2016

What do you call a hen looking at a bowl of lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Why did the two punsters get a divorce?

I reckon syllable differences.