Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?" 

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later. #lamejoke

Monday, March 19, 2018

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis Presley steak houses. It will be for people who love meat tender. #lamejoke

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Monday, February 19, 2018

Saturday, February 10, 2018

What did the lazy anesthesiologist say before surgery? 

Knock yourself out.

Friday, February 9, 2018

A factory worker got his arm caught in some machinery, severing it just below the wrist. Unable to work, and with no income, he knew he had to see a prosthetic specialist as soon as possible. 

Sitting in front of the doctor, he explained that no one was willing to hire him unless he had use of both arms. 

The problem was that, until he could get a job, he wouldn't be able to pay for a prosthetic. 

"I'm desperate, Doc. Could you lend me a hand?"

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Why do babies come out after nine months? 

Because they get so big, they run out of womb.

Monday, January 1, 2018

What do cannon balls do when they’re in love? 

Make BBs.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

How many children does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it depends on wattage they are. If they're bright enough, they can do it.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Why is origami television so expensive to watch?

Because it’s pay per view.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

How much did Santa's sleigh cost him?

Nothing. It was on the house.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Saturday, December 9, 2017

What cereal makes fun of you but doesn't mean it? 

We tease.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Saturday, September 16, 2017

So, this snake walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "How'd you do that?"