My new year's resolution is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall. I'm planning on sticking to it. #lamejoke

Joey's father was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth. So Joey has an uncle, once removed. #lamejoke

I got in trouble for making someone laugh in court. Was charged with man's laughter. #lamejoke

Santa never pays for parking because it's always on the house. #lamejoke

Does Santa take his sleigh to his magic class or does he take a luge in? #lamejoke

Sheep jokes are bad. Really baaaaaaa-d. #lamejoke

According to ancient Japanese lore, the color of a person’s aura changes to cyan before they die. Cyan-aura. #lamejoke

A perfume salesman was trying to sell me a bunch of odorless cologne. I thought it was total non scents. #lamejoke

I painted half of my face like a clown today and went for a drive. I'm not sure everyone saw the funny side. #lamejoke

Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have four stomachs to digest the grasses they consume. Sounds like graze anatomy to me. #lamejoke

I kicked the clock out of the library. It tocked too much. Ticked me off. #lamejoke

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence. #lamejoke

So, for Christmas, I decided to hang a decoration that shows both my love for music and for our founding fathers. It’s a wreath of Franklin. #lamejoke

Then there was the one about the witch who got plastic surgery. She looked really good afterworts. #lamejoke

Irritating Santa this time of year would be a coalossal mistake. #lamejoke

If you invest in these stocks: chicken, beef, and vegetable, you’ll be a bouillonaire in no time. #lamejoke

The secret agent was asked to leave because he kept bugging everyone. #lamejoke