Thick

Why the book War And Peace is so thick? It's a long story. #lamejoke 

Change

“I think I’ll change my name,” Tim said, curtly. #lamejoke

Mexican

I always order Mexican food ta co. #lamejoke

Cat

 A cat that can turn into a potato? A mewtater. #lamejoke

Reincarnation

 Reincarnation is making a comeback. #lamejoke

Florist

I think I saw Michael J. Fox at the florist. I can't be sure, though...he had his back to the fuchsias. #lamejoke

Drink

Someone brought a fruity drink mix to the office. Easy enough...just add water...but somehow it turned into a whole thing. Too many opinions, not enough cups. People argued over powder ratios like it mattered. We got thirsty. Irritable. Eventually, someone figured it out and we queued up. Anyhow, it tasted fine. It just took too long to get to the punch line. #lamejoke

Rule

If the Number 1 Rule is “what goes up, must come down”, is the Number 2 Rule “what goes in, must come out”? #lamejoke

Sandwich

Joey didn’t want to fetch a sandwich for his boss, but he was forced into sub mission. #lamejoke 

Gotham

When Bruce returned to Gotham City, crime began to Wayne. #lamejoke

Noah

One of Noah’s sons reveled the secret place where the ark had crashed. Upset, Noah said,”You Ararat.” #lamejoke 

Alcohol

They researched the effects of alcohol on walking. The results were staggering. #lamejoke

Reading

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. #lamejoke 

Swim

I took a midnight swim in one of the great lakes. It was eerie. #lamejoke

College

Joey went to clown college on a fool scholarship. #lamejoke

Tornado

“The tornado propelled the step right into the wall,” Tim said, with a penetrating stare. #lamejoke

Cake

What I do when I'm feeling musical while making cake? Icing. #lamejoke

Clogs

Be prepared in case your sewer clogs. Make sure to have a backup plan. #lamejoke

Piano

After playing the guitar for years, Joey thought he could learn to play the piano. It's not an easy instrument to pick up. #lamejoke

Air

In the summer, my wife likes it when I blow cool air on her. But, if I am being completely honest, I’m not a fan. #lamejoke

Moooo

Moooo is my favorite coward. #lamejoke

Pistachio

Pistachio puns are nut thing to be proud of. #lamejoke 

Bongos

Joey likes to cause a scene by going up to his loft and playing the bongos very loudly. It’s a little drumattic. #lamejoke 

Sunrises

"I dislike sunrises," Tim mourned. #lamejoke 

Dolphin

I had a great conversation with a dolphin the other day. We just clicked. #lamejoke

Sports

The vegetable that can work as a sports announcer? A common tater. #lamejoke

Medical

The medical condition that causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency. #lamejoke

Boat

"Go to the back of the boat!" Tim said, sternly. #lamejoke

Insect

I paid NASA five hundred dollars for a small industrious insect that just got back from a space mission. It was a little ex orbit ant. #lamejoke

April

“When I went to tear April off of my desk calendar. I accidentally tore off two months,” said Tim, dismayed. #lamejoke 

Handbags

Help Wanted: Sell handbags part time. It’s not a salaried position, but you do get a purse sent. #lamejoke