Chicken

Why the headless chicken crossed the road? He was supposed to be headed to the other side. #lamejoke 

Fight

The sheep and the cow had a big fight. For the rest of the day, they were in a baaaad moooood. #lamejoke

 

Sneeze

Made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe. #lamejoke

Thinner

Betsy sent me to the paint store to get thinner. She should have sent me to the gym. #lamejoke

Coffee

A factory worker died after falling into a vat of coffee. Paramedics said he didn’t suffer - it was instant. #lamejoke 

Escape

Say you're locked in a room with nothing but 88 keys, none of which unlock the door. How do you escape? A piano has 88 keys. All you need to do is play a scale on the piano, then step on the scale, and get a weigh. #lamejoke

Farts

Although nobody was around to hear it, I just let out one of the top farts of my entire life. If it wasn't number one, it may have been number two. #lamejoke

Book

I just finished a popular book about basements. It was a best cellar. #lamejoke

Doves

Which two doves are known for being indecisive? The Sore Dove and the Kind Dove. #lamejoke 

Engraving

I’ve started taking engraving lessons. There’s still so much to learn. We’ve only just scratched the surface. #lamejoke

Birth

If I told you a sheep could give birth to baby goats, I would just be kidding ewe. #lamejoke 

Sugar

Sugar is the only word where ‘su’ makes a ‘sh’ sound. I’m pretty sure that’s correct. #lamejoke

Fingers

Joey accidentally cut two fingers off his hand.  When he asked the doctor if he would still be able to write with it, the doctor said, “Maybe, but don’t count on it.” #lamejoke 

Hotline

"Thank you for calling the Incontinence Hotline. Can you hold?" #lamejoke

Earth

The earth rotated. Made my day. #lamejoke 

Safety

When you’re doing dangerous work it’s a good idea to do the Safety Twerk. Show a bun dance of caution. #lamejoke 

Police

Police are looking for a suspect who put wings on his two door two passenger car. Turns out he flew the coupe. #lamejoke 

Thought

I remember when I read Peter Pan to my kids and they asked if I wished I never grew up. I thought about it for a moment, then asked them to pull my finger. #lamejoke

Paint

You want to paint spades, diamonds, clubs, and hearts all over your chest? It's a strange choice, but suit yourself. #lamejoke 

Dictator

A dictator walks into a bar and orders everyone around. #lamejoke

Flamenco

To catch a flamenco dancer, just castanet. #lamejoke

Balloons

A man was arrested for stealing helium balloons. The police held him for a while, then let him go. #lamejoke 

Study

One of my friends wants to study burrowing animals. I say gopher it. #lamejoke

Sleeping

Rescue crews were shocked to discover a man sleeping on Mount Everest. They found Himalayan there. #lamejoke

Fingers

I woke up, and noticed that all the fingers on my left hand had been replaced with toes. The doctor took one look, and said, "Hmm, something’s afoot here." #lamejoke

Garden

Why garden people are so likeable? Because they're really nice once you get to gnome. #lamejoke

Avocado

An avocado's favorite arcade game? Guac-A-Mole! #lamejoke 

Ballet

The inventor of the ballet skirt was stumped for a name until he put tu and tu together. #lamejoke

Seaweed

I ordered a seaweed salad for lunch, but they wouldn’t let me have a second kelping. #lamejoke