Friday, January 31, 2025

Chicken

Why the headless chicken crossed the road? He was supposed to be headed to the other side. #lamejoke 

Thursday, January 30, 2025

Fight

The sheep and the cow had a big fight. For the rest of the day, they were in a baaaad moooood. #lamejoke

 

Wednesday, January 29, 2025

Sneeze

Made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe. #lamejoke

Tuesday, January 28, 2025

Thinner

Betsy sent me to the paint store to get thinner. She should have sent me to the gym. #lamejoke

Monday, January 27, 2025

Coffee

A factory worker died after falling into a vat of coffee. Paramedics said he didn’t suffer - it was instant. #lamejoke 

Sunday, January 26, 2025

Escape

Say you're locked in a room with nothing but 88 keys, none of which unlock the door. How do you escape? A piano has 88 keys. All you need to do is play a scale on the piano, then step on the scale, and get a weigh. #lamejoke

Saturday, January 25, 2025

Farts

Although nobody was around to hear it, I just let out one of the top farts of my entire life. If it wasn't number one, it may have been number two. #lamejoke

Friday, January 24, 2025

Book

I just finished a popular book about basements. It was a best cellar. #lamejoke

Thursday, January 23, 2025

Doves

Which two doves are known for being indecisive? The Sore Dove and the Kind Dove. #lamejoke 

Wednesday, January 22, 2025

Engraving

I’ve started taking engraving lessons. There’s still so much to learn. We’ve only just scratched the surface. #lamejoke

Monday, January 20, 2025

Birth

If I told you a sheep could give birth to baby goats, I would just be kidding ewe. #lamejoke 

Sunday, January 19, 2025

Sugar

Sugar is the only word where ‘su’ makes a ‘sh’ sound. I’m pretty sure that’s correct. #lamejoke

Saturday, January 18, 2025

Fingers

Joey accidentally cut two fingers off his hand.  When he asked the doctor if he would still be able to write with it, the doctor said, “Maybe, but don’t count on it.” #lamejoke 

Friday, January 17, 2025

Hotline

"Thank you for calling the Incontinence Hotline. Can you hold?" #lamejoke

Thursday, January 16, 2025

Wednesday, January 15, 2025

Safety

When you’re doing dangerous work it’s a good idea to do the Safety Twerk. Show a bun dance of caution. #lamejoke 

Tuesday, January 14, 2025

Police

Police are looking for a suspect who put wings on his two door two passenger car. Turns out he flew the coupe. #lamejoke 

Monday, January 13, 2025

Thought

I remember when I read Peter Pan to my kids and they asked if I wished I never grew up. I thought about it for a moment, then asked them to pull my finger. #lamejoke

Sunday, January 12, 2025

Paint

You want to paint spades, diamonds, clubs, and hearts all over your chest? It's a strange choice, but suit yourself. #lamejoke 

Friday, January 10, 2025

Dictator

A dictator walks into a bar and orders everyone around. #lamejoke

Thursday, January 9, 2025

Wednesday, January 8, 2025

Balloons

A man was arrested for stealing helium balloons. The police held him for a while, then let him go. #lamejoke 

Tuesday, January 7, 2025

Study

One of my friends wants to study burrowing animals. I say gopher it. #lamejoke

Monday, January 6, 2025

Sleeping

Rescue crews were shocked to discover a man sleeping on Mount Everest. They found Himalayan there. #lamejoke

Sunday, January 5, 2025

Fingers

I woke up, and noticed that all the fingers on my left hand had been replaced with toes. The doctor took one look, and said, "Hmm, something’s afoot here." #lamejoke

Saturday, January 4, 2025

Garden

Why garden people are so likeable? Because they're really nice once you get to gnome. #lamejoke

Friday, January 3, 2025

Thursday, January 2, 2025

Ballet

The inventor of the ballet skirt was stumped for a name until he put tu and tu together. #lamejoke

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Seaweed

I ordered a seaweed salad for lunch, but they wouldn’t let me have a second kelping. #lamejoke