Tuesday, December 31, 2024

Resolution

I’m thinking that a New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. #lamejoke 

Monday, December 30, 2024

Jokes

I’ve been told that some of my friends and family don’t want to talk to me anymore because I tell too many jokes. I just wanted to make them laugh and groan a little. Law of pun-intended consequences I guess. #lamejoke 

Sunday, December 29, 2024

Niece

Joey took his niece to the hospital because she swallowed a toy train. She bit off more than she could choo-choo. #lamejoke

Saturday, December 28, 2024

Toast

The piece of toast in the cage at the zoo was bred in captivity. #lamejoke 

Friday, December 27, 2024

Walking

I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me. I was like what the hell man?! #lamejoke

Thursday, December 26, 2024

Celebrity

The weirdest celebrity Christmas ever was when Eminem sang in reverse and then disappeared. He un-rapped his presence. #lamejoke

Wednesday, December 25, 2024

Santa

The difference between Santa and a dog? One wears a full red suit - the other just pants. #lamejoke

Tuesday, December 24, 2024

Monkeys

I bought my wife a cage for one of those long armed monkeys for Christmas. It’s the gift that keeps gibbon. #lamejoke

Monday, December 23, 2024

Sunday, December 22, 2024

Stick

What you get when you cross a father with a stick of Juicy Fruit? The best dad-gum joke ever. #lamejoke

Saturday, December 21, 2024

Stocks

I’ve decided to invest in stocks, i.e., beef, chicken, vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire. #lamejoke 

Friday, December 20, 2024

Thursday, December 19, 2024

Bust

My art teacher tried to discourage me from making that metal bust, but I decided to forge a head anyway. #lamejoke 

Wednesday, December 18, 2024

Gnomes

Almost all Christmas gnomes have red hats. It’s a little-gnome fact. #lamejoke

Tuesday, December 17, 2024

Letter

Why E was the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents? Because the rest of the letters are not-E. #lamejoke 

Monday, December 16, 2024

Drinks

I don't believe in partaking in customary Christmas drinks. I guess you can call me eggnostic. #lamejoke 

Sunday, December 15, 2024

Moat

An ankle-deep moat filled with molten sugar is the best defense a castle can have to ensure the defenders candy feet every single attacker. #lamejoke

Saturday, December 14, 2024

Chip

Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip? Crisp Pringles. #lamejoke 

Friday, December 13, 2024

Difference

The difference between a camera and a sock? A camera takes photos A sock takes five toes. #lamejoke 

Wednesday, December 11, 2024

Ropes

Joey showed his girlfriend a technique he’d learned for tying two ropes together. She proceeded to make out with him wildly. The problem is that he can't tell whether she loves him or knot. #lamejoke

Tuesday, December 10, 2024

Abstinence

Then there was the one about the jazz musician who's practicing abstinence. He decided to give up sax. #lamejoke 

Monday, December 9, 2024

Origami

I’m no good at origami, but my skills are in creasing. #lamejoke 

Sunday, December 8, 2024

Pierced

Last night, at the pub, I saw a guy get his nipple pierced right in front of me. On an unrelated note, I suck at darts. #lamejoke 

Saturday, December 7, 2024

Women

According to a recent survey, 20% of women think their ass is too fat. Another 10% thought their ass was too skinny. The other 70% didn’t care either way. They married him and they love him, regardless of his weight. #lamejoke

Friday, December 6, 2024

Doom

Which Old Testament prophet would take The Ring to Mount Doom? Elijah would. #lamejoke

Thursday, December 5, 2024

Viking

To change into a Viking, you just have to belief. #lamejoke

Wednesday, December 4, 2024

Tuesday, December 3, 2024

Bungee

A professional bungee jumper just retired. But I have a feeling that he’ll be making a comeback. #lamejoke 

Monday, December 2, 2024

Skiing

Call me crazy, but my favorite part of skiing is the chairlift ride. It’s all downhill after that. #lamejoke

Sunday, December 1, 2024

Disease

Joey has a disease where he can’t stop telling airport jokes. His doctor says it’s terminal. #lamejoke