Sing

Why I only sing when the car is in reverse? Because I'm a backup singer. #lamejoke 

Bread

We shouldn’t fight over bread. After all, violence baguettes violence. #lamejoke 

Medicine

I think I accidentally took the cat's medicine. Don't ask me'ow. #lamejoke 

Women

A lot of women say their husbands never listen to them. I'm proud to say I've never heard my wife say something like that. #lamejoke 

Monkey

The pianist playing at the piano bar always brought his monkey in with him. One day, the monkey was feeling mischievous and peed in a man’s beer. The angry man stormed up to the pianist and exclaimed, “Do you know your monkey peed in my beer?!” The pianist responded, "I don't think so , but maybe if you'd hum a few bars...?" #lamejoke

Baby

I don’t get why people say soothing a baby is difficult. It’s not like it's rock-it science. #lamejoke 

Chef

What the French chef gave his wife for Valentine’s Day? A hug and a quiche. #lamejoke 

Swordsman

An ancient Roman swordsman became a cannibal and dined on his wife. He was glad he ate her. #lamejoke

Mannequin

I once worked as a mannequin in Macy's Department Store. I held that position for a long time. #lamejoke

Cabbages

Cabbages are often in disbelief when they realize they’re way behind everyone in vegetable races. Which is understandable, because they often believe they’re ahead of lettuce. #lamejoke 

Nun

When I saw a nun trip and fall, I did what anyone would do. I ran to a sister. #lamejoke

Chef

Then there was the one about the boy who aspired to be a sous chef. He went on to grate things. #lamejoke 

Sandals

Why do elephants wear sandals? So that they don't sink in the sand. Why do ostriches stick their heads in the ground? To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals. #lamejoke

Deaf

Two years ago the doctor told me I was going deaf. Haven’t heard from him since. #lamejoke

Deer

This time of year, the deer in my area are all doing the same thing, the males chase the females, and the females run away. I think they're stuck in a rut. #lamejoke

Workout

Joey has absolutely no athletic ability, but he thinks he’s found a new way to prepare for a workout. Seems like a stretch to me. #lamejoke

Magician

Did you hear about the magician who pulled a pig out of his hat? It was a masterful display of sleight of ham. #lamejoke

Pandas

I saw twin pandas today. That bears repeating. #lamejoke

Dairy

Joey just got fired from a dairy farm for being the worst employee they had ever seen. He was a serious danger to himself and udders. #lamejoke 

Dream

I had a dream that I was Buzz Aldrin, the second man on the moon. Neil before me. #lamejoke

Night

Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake. I thought to myself, “The streets seem strangely desserted.” #lamejoke

Dragons

Despite being fire-breathing monsters, dragons will never actually explode, but a dino might. #lamejoke

Minute

Curious what you guys think about one sixtieth of a minute. I’m just looking for a second opinion. #lamejoke 

Photography

A friend of mine never stops talking about photography. You just can’t shutter up. #lamejoke 

Geologist

Why the female geologist got divorced? Because she claimed that mineral the same. #lamejoke 

Artistic

I wanted to be artistic while driving to work this morning, so, I let that van go first before taking my turn. #lamejoke

Epoxy

I was mixing two-part epoxy and got it all over my hands. The doctor said it might never come off, but I'm going to keep my fingers crossed. #lamejoke 

Pregnancy

A woman takes a pregnancy test and it comes back positive. She looks at her husband and says, “Your kid in me!” #lamejoke

Cheese

It’s been said that some of the best things in life are made of cheese. Who am I to disabrie? #lamejoke 

Booger

When is a booger not a booger? When it’s not. #lamejoke