Shovel

Joey’s wife told him that it was his turn to shovel and salt the front steps. All she got were icy stares. #lamejoke

Pirate

A pirate captain, his first mate, and their crew of seven scallywags had sailed the seven seas for years. They suffered from scurvy, gnarly skin conditions, and dehydration, but tests showed they never developed any malignant tumors. Why were they always cancer-free? Because there be nine. #lamejoke 

Clocks

Typically there are no clocks in libraries because they tock too much. #lamejoke

Damp

Joey’s in the process of learning all the synonyms for damp. He’s already moist of the way there. #lamejoke

Chase

!News Flash! A man in boxer shorts was arrested for leading police on a brief chase. #lamejoke

Horse

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Hey - I see you in here a lot. Are you an alcoholic or something?” The horse says, “I don’t think I am,” and then, poof - he vanishes like he never existed. 

Now this is a play on words about René Descartes’ famous philosophy of “I think, therefore I am.” But explaining that beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse. #lamejoke

Rodents

I just checked out that social media site for rodents… you know, Mice Space. #lamejoke 

Cell

What the cell said after his sister stepped on his toe? It’s mitosis. #lamejoke

Soup

I tried painting Andy Warhol’s Campbell Soup, but I’m not that good, so it looked nothing like it. The resemblance was uncanny. #lamejoke

Hairstyles

Joey asked me to read a book about 80s hairstyles. I told him that I’d mullet over. #lamejoke

Book

I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city. It’s a Rome ants novel. #lamejoke

Tony

Tony asked me not to say his name backwards. I asked, ”Y not?” #lamejoke 

Artist

This guy was making quite the name for himself as a portrait artist. His fees were very reasonable and the locals kept him busy. One day a stretch limo pulled up and a beautiful woman exited the car and told him, “I will gladly pay you $10,000 if you'll paint me in the nude. He had never been given such a proposal for his work. "One moment,” says he. “I will have to talk this over with my wife." Inside the house, the painter and his wife talked it over and decided it would be OK. The painter returned and said, " I will paint you in the nude but I have to leave my socks on so I have someplace to wipe my brushes." #lamejoke

Tastes

What you call a tea that tastes sometimes like tea and sometimes like coffee? Uncertainty. #lamejoke 

Corridor

There isn't a lot of money in the corridor industry, but I’m in it for the long haul. #lamejoke