Meat

I know a place where you can buy dog meat cheap! It’s sold by the pound. #lamejoke

Soup

When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat the vowels. Why? Sometimes. #lamejoke

Confusing

The United States can be confusing. It just doesn’t make cents anymore. #lamejoke

King

Why Istanbul doesn’t have a king? Because they can’t stand a noble. #lamejoke

Pigs

So, this teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. When she came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home, she read, "And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"The teacher paused, then asked the class: "And what do you think the man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said very matter of factly, "I think the man would have said, ‘Well, dang, a talking pig!’” #lamejoke

Bullets

Then there was the one about the girl who ate bullets. Her hair grew out in bangs. #lamejoke

Dent

Joey hit a bird with his car. It left a small dent. Looks like mynah damage to me. #lamejoke

Chess

I lost one of my chess pieces, so I went to the pawnshop to buy another. #lamejoke

Corn

What happens if you don't chew your corn while eating? You get poopcorn. #lamejoke

Salmon

Can a salmon box? No, but a tuna can. #lamejoke

Crow

Don't panic if your pet crow doesn't wake you up in the morning. There’s no caws for alarm. #lamejoke

Lakes

No one ever steals lakes in Scotland. They’re kept under loch and quay. #lamejoke

Painters

Did you know that when painters get cold, they put on an extra coat? #lamejoke

Jokes

Telling dad jokes isn’t my main job. It’s a sigh gig. #lamejoke

Hair

Joey spent over $5000 on a hair system which is a lot toupee. #lamejoke

Hazelnut

Why is one of the tellers at the bank called "hazelnut"? Because he's a Nutella! #lamejoke

Dog

As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought ,"Dogs are easily amused." Then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail. #lamejoke

Loudest

The member of the balloon family that's the loudest? Papa Balloon. #lamejoke

Helsinki

Joey went on a trip to Helsinki and was never heard of again. He just disappeared into Finnair. #lamejoke

Difference

The difference between a camera and a foot? One has photos, the other has five toes. #lamejoke

Anesthetic

9 out of 10 zoo dentists refuse to treat grizzly bears unless it’s been given a STRONG anesthetic, proving true the old adage that there’s safety in large numb bears. #lamejoke

Sandpaper

I’m reading this book about sandpaper. Turns out it’s a work of friction. #lamejoke

Diarrhea

Getting over diarrhea may not be the greatest feeling ever, but it’s a solid number two. #lamejoke

Preacher

A small-town preacher was proud of his ability to improvise a sermon on any topic, even if he knew nothing about it. He never prepared, just improvised on whatever came to his mind Sunday morning. One Sunday morning he woke up and told his wife, "I'm going to base my sermon today on horseback ridin’.

"But you don't know anything about horseback riding!" she said. "I don't want to watch you embarrass yourself, I'm staying home."

“All right," he said, and drove off to church.

On the way there, he began to have second thoughts. He really didn't know anything about horseback riding and finally decided to preach a sermon on love and intimacy in marriage.

It went very well - so well that when one of his congregants saw his wife at the grocery store the next day, she said, “You missed a great sermon yesterday – your husband was on fire! That was the best sermon I've ever heard!"

His wife said, "Really? He literally knows nothing about it. In all his life he's done it just twice - once before we were married, once after - and both times he fell right off." #lamejoke

Undertaker

Joey’s wife is an undertaker. They have two vehicles… his and hearse. #lamejoke

Resolution

My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating. I decided it was time to lose wait. #lamejoke

Pants

How did King Arthur get his shiny metal knit pants? He bought them via mail order. #lamejoke

Doctor

Joey went to the doctor and told him that he kept thinking he was Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. The doctor asked him how long he’d been having these Disney spells. #lamejoke

Shirley

Siri just told me that I shouldn't call her Shirley. I think I had my phone in airplane mode. #lamejoke

Addiction

Waterpark addiction is no joke. It’s a very slippery slope. #lamejoke

Hamill

Joey drew Mark Hamill on his wife's forehead. You should have seen the Luke on her face. #lamejoke

Diagnosis

How a gastroenterologist arrives at a diagnosis of Irritable Bowel Syndrome? Prolly by the process of elimination. #lamejoke