Speak no more than necessary. To do otherwise is just sylly. #lamejoke

My new job is digging holes to look for water. It is, well, boring. #lamejoke

The optimist sees the donut whole; the pessimist sees the donut hole. #lamejoke

Joey dressed up as Satan and started combining oxygen, nitrogen, argon, carbon dioxide, and methane. He has a real Devil make air attitude. #lamejoke

Then there was the one about the mechanic who slept under the car because he wanted to wake up oily in  the morning. #lamejoke

I’ve decided to write a book about a person who learns to take better care of their hair as they get older. I see it as a real combing-of-age story. #lamejoke

Hey dad, will you shoot the ball? No thanks, I'll pass. #lamejoke

Dig politicians' graves at least 100 feet beneath the surface, because deep down, they are good people. #lamejoke 

Buying three dozen head of cattle nearly wiped me out. Then I bought four more. I really need a forty bull housing. #lamejoke

Driving with one headlight isn't very bright. #lamejoke

Joey told me he wants to make a house out of car tires. I'm thinking it's prolly gonna take a good year or two.  #lamejoke

I have this weird Christmas talent where I can identify what’s inside a wrapped present. It's a gift. #lamejoke

Joey's started dating this girl who works at the zoo. His mom likes her too. Thinks she's a keeper. #lamejoke

I don't know who invented haircuts, but it was probably a barberian. #lamejoke

Making a boat out of stone would be a hardship. #lamejoke

I thought I'd won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture. But when I got home, the tables were turned. #lamejoke

I thought about posting a fish pun, but I'm trying to scale back. #lamejoke

Multiple dalmatians have been spotted around the world. #lamejoke

I've always wanted a job estimating crowd sizes. I wonder how many people are in that field. #lamejoke

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it's the scenter. #lamejoke

I went to a Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous meet up...and boy, did I see a lot of new faces! #lamejoke

The inventor of auto-correct died recently. His funeral is next monkey. #lamejoke

I got offered an amazing deal today. Someone offered to sell me a stereo with a broken volume knob! I couldn't turn it down. #lamejoke

A murderer is to be executed by electric chair and the priest asked if he had any last request. The man asked to hold the the priest's hand. The priest was shocked.  #lamejoke

When I told the contractor I didn't want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stair. #lamejoke

If you're vegan, you may think people who sell meat are horrible, but apparently someone who sell fruit and veg is grocer. #lamejoke

I tried to make ice cream the other day, but it didn't churn out too well. #lamejoke

Joey is making a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes. It’s like shooting fish in apparel. #lamejoke

My entire body, from the neck down, was erased while I was trying to build a teleportation device. I decided to quit while I was ahead. #lamejoke

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll. #lamejoke