Voodoo

Joey's wife yelled from upstairs, "Honey, do you ever get a shooting pain like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they are stabbing it?" "No", said he. She replied, "How about now?" #lamejoke

Driving

We were driving yesterday, and suddenly my wife turned to me and said, “Hey, you missed a right." I said, “Thanks babe. You MRS. right.” #lamejoke

Amnesia

 Joey's had amnesia for as long as he can remember. #lamejoke

Yoda

 Yoda's last name? Layheehoo. #lamejoke

Kitten

I found what looked like a kitten frozen in my iced-over pool. I dug it out and let it defrost, it turned out to be a big squirrel. I thought I thaw a pussycat. #lamejoke

Labor

I remember, a number of years back, when my wife was in labor, she started shouting, "Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!" The doctor said," Don't worry, those are just contractions." #lamejoke

Bunny

 I fell asleep with my pet bunny in my bed last night. I woke up in the middle of the night with the hare standing up on the back of my neck. #lamejoke

Contest

 I've just entered the neighborhood's tightest hat contest. I hope I can pull it off. #lamejoke

Bar

 A bossy man walks into a bar. He orders everyone a round. #lamejoke

Tree

 The tree that got lost took the wrong root and couldn't leaf. #lamejoke

Noises

What do we want? Car noises! When do we want them? Nyow! #lamejoke #bonuslamejoke

Anniversary

Joey was recording his wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but his battery died halfway through. Now he'll never hear the end of it. #lamejoke

Triangle

 A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years - thanks for everyting. #lamejoke 

Earth

 The broadening of planet Earth is a world-wide problem. #lamejoke

Diet

 Been on this diet for a while now. I'm waisting away. #lamejoke

Fish

 A fish with two knees? Two knee fish. #lamejoke