If I order a hatchet from Europe and have it shipped, I'd have a foreign ax sent. #lamejoke

You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. #lamejoke

Old exterminators never die - they are just gnat seen anymore. #lamejoke

There are some pigeons back in the chimney, but I don't think they're the same ones as last year. I heard there's been a coup. #lamejoke

Water is really easy to understand. What it boils down to is steam. #lamejoke

In medieval days, people were always hanging out by the gallows. #lamejoke

They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy. It was a counter attack. #lamejoke

I was really bored, so I decided to memorize six pages of the dictionary. I learned next to nothing. #lamejoke

I recently took a poll and found out that 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed. #lamejoke

I recently started taking my paddle boat out on the lake. I feel like canoe person. #lamejoke

I heard about a cult that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred? #lamejoke

Joey's wife complains that he doesn’t buy her flowers. (But just between you and me, I don’t think he knows she even sells flowers.) #lamejoke

Apparently nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire, but Quasimodo has a hunch. #lamejoke

Interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle and, chances are, you'll hear some crosswords. #lamejoke

If you don't think doing laundry is funny, you need a dryer sense of humor. #lamejoke

I read a book on fortune tellers. It wasn't an easy read, it wasn't a difficult read. I'd say it was about a medium. #lamejoke

Wondering if my idea of putting scales in the ocean could be a success. I guess I'll just have to weight and sea. #lamejoke

I just spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do to help. #lamejoke

The lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters was pretty complicated, but I can Samurais it for you. #lamejoke

This past winter, I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps. All I got was icy stares. #lamejoke

Something about subtraction just doesn't add up. #lamejoke

Everyone was standing except Neil. #lamejoke

Got all the ingredients to make pizzas. Now all I knead is the dough. #lamejoke

I recently bumped into the guy who once sold me an antique globe. It’s a small world. #lamejoke

You can't change the weather in a tree, but you can climate. #lamejoke