Binoculars

The name of a man with a nice set of binoculars? Seymour. #lamejoke 

Vehicle

The type of vehicle witches like to drive? A stick. #lamejoke

Horses

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live next to a couple of horses, but like it or not, they’re my new neighbors. #lamejoke 

Mobius

A Mobius strip walks into a bar. Seeing it sobbing, the bartender asks what's wrong. The Mobius strip replies, "Where do I even begin?" #lamejoke 

Insect

I remember going yo the circus as a child and watching a tiny insect play the triangle, but it’s nothing more than a flea ting memory now. #lamejoke 

Glasses

My earliest memory is going to the eye doctor to get my first pair of glasses. Everything before that was a blur. #lamejoke

Meringue

An Australian ghost’s favorite kind of meringue? Boo! #lamejoke

Goat

Joey goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Hey doc I have a problem. I keep thinking I'm a goat." The shrink says, "Okay, how long have you had this problem?" Joey says, "Since I was a kid." #lamejoke

Inertia

There's a new theory of inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum. #lamejoke

Jokes

I like telling dad jokes. But, then again, I’m a groan man. #lamejoke

Cheetah

Just bred a cheetah with a crab. Things went sideways really fast. #lamejoke 

Proctologist

Joey was surprised when his proctologist ordered a follow-up test. Turns out it was a poop quiz. #lamejoke 

Girlfriend

Joey’s cannibal girlfriend finally convinced him to sleep over. Promised to make him breakfast in the morning. #lamejoke

Dracula

Dracula decided to ditch the cape. Wanted to revamp his wardrobe. #lamejoke

Magician

I went to back out of my driveway but in my rear view mirror I saw a magician blocking my path. Got out of the car to get him to move, and he wasn't there. Must have been an Obstacle Illusion. #lamejoke 

Carts

I saw an elderly man at the supermarket collecting shopping carts. He must have been pushing 70. #lamejoke

Favorite

I asked Joey to choose which body part is his favorite. He just stood there and picked his nose. #lamejoke

Electric

There’s a country in Africa that only allows electric automobiles. For some reason they’re really mad at gas cars. #lamejoke 

Hecklers

Hecklers Anonymous dinner tonight at 7pm. Bring your own boos! #lamejoke

Terminator

Where you find the toys for the Terminator movies in the toy store? Aisle B, back. #lamejoke

Throat

Why Joey is seen as work-shy? Because when he has a tickly throat, he has a week off. #lamejoke

Scrabble

While I was out walking, I saw a guy carrying a Scrabble board. He tripped and tiles went everywhere. I couldn’t help myself. Asked him, “What’s the word on the street?” #lamejoke

Married

Joey’s girlfriend says that if they don't get married she will kill him. I guess it’s a matter of wife or death. #lamejoke 

News

Breaking News: Small-town doctor fractures leg while auditioning for local play. (Despite his injuries, he made the cast.) #lamejoke 

Wolf

I told the nurse I was bitten by a wolf. “Where?” she asked. “No, regular.” #lamejoke 

Job

I lost my job as a spell checker. They fired me for no rasin. #lamejoke

Lifeboat

The ship was sinking and four sailors were able to get a lifeboat into the water and climb into it safely. As they relaxed, they decided to have a cigarette and relax a few moments before starting their journey to safety. The cigarettes were dry but all their matches had become wet and they had no way to light their cigarettes. Finally, one of the sailors came up with a solution. He threw a cigarette overboard. This worked well because the lifeboat had become a cigarette lighter. #lamejoke

Cow

Does a cow ballerina wear a muumuu? #lamejoke 

Ballerina

Does a skinny ballerina wear a one one? #lamejoke

Wisdom

They say that with age comes wisdom. I don't have wrinkles, i have wise cracks. #lamejoke