Lost

I got lost while hiking once. After several nervous hours trying to retrace my steps and establish where I was, eventually a park ranger found me. I told him I'd been following my compass, but I'd still got lost. When I showed him my compass, he saw it was made by Tait & Co. He told me they were a notoriously unreliable brand. "He who has a Tait's is lost!" #lamejoke

Singing

A woman who won't stop singing Christmas songs? Carolyn. #lamejoke 

Ants

Two ants tried to make a seesaw using a toothpick and half a crumb, but it didn't work. They needed a full crumb. #lamejoke 

Soup

Checking the menu, a restaurant customer ordered a bowl of vegetable soup. After a couple of spoonfuls, he saw a circle of wetness right under the bowl on the tablecloth.

He called the waitress over and said, "It's all wet down here. The bowl must be cracked."

The waitress said, "You ordered vegetable soup, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Maybe it has a leek in it!" #lamejoke