Someone just threw some mayo at me. What the Hellman!?! #lamejoke
Friday, May 3, 2024
Thursday, May 2, 2024
Factory
My wife works in a factory that makes action figures of The Nanny. She got the job to make new Frans. #lamejoke
Wednesday, May 1, 2024
Wimbledon
Wimbledon will now offer “quiet” tennis for those with noise sensitivity. Same game but without the racket. #lamejoke
Tuesday, April 30, 2024
Monday, April 29, 2024
Sunday, April 28, 2024
Crowbars
Did you know that before crowbars were invented, crows just had to stay at home to drink? #lamejoke
Saturday, April 27, 2024
Leather
Leather is rated based upon its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides rated "A". But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically "D" Hide rated. #lamejoke
Friday, April 26, 2024
Thursday, April 25, 2024
Wednesday, April 24, 2024
Puppets
Got a couple of sock puppets for sale. Anyone interested in taking them off my hands? #lamejoke
Tuesday, April 23, 2024
Daughter
Joey’s daughter had a baby boy and named him Griffin. I suggested that she put a sign up on the entrance to his room. Griffin Door. She huffled and puffed. #lamejoke
Monday, April 22, 2024
Sunday, April 21, 2024
Bees
I asked for 12 bees. The beekeeper gave me 13. When I asked him why, he said it was a freebie. #lamejoke
Saturday, April 20, 2024
Salads
My wife says the salads I make tend to be a bit on the "dry" side. It's definitely something that needs addressing. #lamejoke
Friday, April 19, 2024
Guitar
Later today I will be giving you one of the important lessons in learning how to play guitar. Stay tuned…. #lamejoke
Thursday, April 18, 2024
Spam
I was on an online video call when a picture of a can of Spam appeared on my screen. I think it was a Zoom meat tin. #lamejoke
Wednesday, April 17, 2024
History
In history, AD means after the birth of Christ. B.C. means before Christ. Before B.C.? A. #lamejoke
Tuesday, April 16, 2024
Circumference
When measuring the circumference of a pie, using one pie is not enough. But 2Ï€r. #lamejoke
Monday, April 15, 2024
Sunday, April 14, 2024
Nutritionists
Some guy just yelled at a small village of nutritionists. He went off on a diet tribe. #lamejoke
Saturday, April 13, 2024
Friday, April 12, 2024
Thursday, April 11, 2024
Wednesday, April 10, 2024
Lama
If a lama with one L is a holy man, and a llama with two Ls is an animal, what is a three L lama? A big fire in Boston. #lamejoke
Tuesday, April 9, 2024
Monday, April 8, 2024
Treats
I only had Hostess treats with me when I had to force feed a young sheep to eat. Yep, I had to ram a lamb a Ding Dong. #lamejoke
Sunday, April 7, 2024
Saturday, April 6, 2024
Frog
They did a blood test on a baby frog to extract its DNA and confirm its heritage. Discovered the frog was 70% British, 20% French, 7% Italian, 2% Dutch, and a tad Pole. #lamejoke
Friday, April 5, 2024
Wednesday, April 3, 2024
Knock
Dad: Knock knock.
Son: Who's there?
Dad: Hike.
Son: Hike who?
Dad: Pirates don’t shower before they walk the plank. They just wash up on shore later. #lamejoke
Tuesday, April 2, 2024
Monday, April 1, 2024
Saturday, March 30, 2024
Friday, March 29, 2024
Thursday, March 28, 2024
Vegetable
And you thought nobody was gonna arrive to tell root vegetable jokes here, and then I turnip. #lamejoke
Wednesday, March 27, 2024
Monday, March 25, 2024
Sunday, March 24, 2024
Saturday, March 23, 2024
Eating
If a clown comes to your house and starts eating everything in your fridge, don't get angry. It's all ingest. #lamejoke
Friday, March 22, 2024
Boulder
I discovered a really long boulder while hiking in the desert recently. It was about 1760 yards long. Must be some kind of milestone. #lamejoke
Thursday, March 21, 2024
Wednesday, March 20, 2024
Tuesday, March 19, 2024
Monday, March 18, 2024
Sunday, March 17, 2024
Insects
I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city. It’s a Rome ants novel. #lamejoke
Saturday, March 16, 2024
Friday, March 15, 2024
Pizza
The proper title for a person who makes pizza in a pizzeria? His name is Pete. Pete’s a baker. #lamejoke
Thursday, March 14, 2024
Police
Police stopped me and said, “Papers!” So I said, “ Scissors, I WIN!” and drove off. I think he wants a rematch because he’s been chasing me for 20 minutes. #lamejoke
Wednesday, March 13, 2024
Bees
I asked for twelve bees. The beekeeper gave me thirteen. When I asked him why, he said it was a freebie. #lamejoke
Tuesday, March 12, 2024
Monday, March 11, 2024
Sunday, March 10, 2024
Saturday, March 9, 2024
Friday, March 8, 2024
Balloons
Although airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control, cases continue to rise. #lamejoke
Thursday, March 7, 2024
Donating
I tried donating blood today. Never again. Too many questions. Whose blood is it? Where did you get it? Why is it in a bucket? #lamejoke
Wednesday, March 6, 2024
Tuesday, March 5, 2024
Monday, March 4, 2024
Wife
Joey’s wife keeps complaining about how much she misses him. He’s glad she’s not a better shot. #lamejoke
Sunday, March 3, 2024
Archery
Why the girl who was into archery wanted to date the guy she bought her archery supplies from? He made her quiver. #lamejoke
Saturday, March 2, 2024
Blood
Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins. You just have to listen varicosely. #lamejoke
Friday, March 1, 2024
Visit
I can barely remember my last trip to the eye doctor. The whole thing is just a blur. #lamejoke
Thursday, February 29, 2024
Creatures
You may have noticed that almost all small garden humanoid creatures have red hats. It’s a little gnome fact. #lamejoke
Wednesday, February 28, 2024
Tuesday, February 27, 2024
Monday, February 26, 2024
Sunday, February 25, 2024
Saturday, February 24, 2024
Sheet
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest bed sheet. More on this story as it unfolds. #lamejoke
Friday, February 23, 2024
People
The fact that some people can’t distinguish between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways I can’t put into words. #lamejoke
Thursday, February 22, 2024
Wednesday, February 21, 2024
Telemarketers
The number of telemarketers it takes to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner. #lamejoke
Tuesday, February 20, 2024
Monday, February 19, 2024
Elephant
The difference between a place where you go for drinks and an elephant passing gas? One is a bar room. The other is a BA ROOOM!!! #lamejoke
Sunday, February 18, 2024
Saturday, February 17, 2024
Friday, February 16, 2024
Lazy
Joey didn’t like it when his wife told him that he was lazy. It’s not like he did anything. #lamejoke
Wednesday, February 14, 2024
Tuesday, February 13, 2024
Monday, February 12, 2024
Sunday, February 11, 2024
Action
My new action figure keeps falling over when I put it up on the shelf. It’s so irritating, I can’t stand it. #lamejoke
Saturday, February 10, 2024
Asses
There’s a new study about women and how they feel about their asses. The results were pretty interesting. 30% of women think their ass is too fat, 10% of women think their ass is too skinny. The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world! #lamejoke
Friday, February 9, 2024
Carpet
When I told the contractor that I didn't want any carpet on the steps up to the attic, he gave me a blank stair. #lamejoke
Thursday, February 8, 2024
Wednesday, February 7, 2024
Tuesday, February 6, 2024
Monday, February 5, 2024
Sunday, February 4, 2024
Saturday, February 3, 2024
Weekend
Apparently this weekend there will be constant rane, hale, gails, drissle, thundre, litnin, hy tydes, tawnaydoes and frizzing colde – just a really bad spell of weather. #lamejoke
Friday, February 2, 2024
Thursday, February 1, 2024
Wednesday, January 31, 2024
Milk
Studies have shown that cows produce more milk when you talk to them. Sounds like in one ear and out the udder. #lamejoke
Tuesday, January 30, 2024
Monday, January 29, 2024
Sunday, January 28, 2024
Underwear
Joey went into the lingerie store and asked if the underwear was satin. They said no, it’s brand new. #lamejoke
Friday, January 26, 2024
Thursday, January 25, 2024
Cheese
I never understood the part in the song where it says “the cheese stands alone”. I thought cheese lacked toes. #lamejoke
Wednesday, January 24, 2024
Tuesday, January 23, 2024
Monday, January 22, 2024
Sunday, January 21, 2024
Argument
Joey had an argument with his daughter. She said she 'can't even' then stormed off. She's been acting quite odd lately. #lamejoke
Saturday, January 20, 2024
Words
A lot of French words have crept into the English language. Hors d'oeuvres for starters. #lamejoke
Friday, January 19, 2024
Vase
I went thru several different emotions as I witnessed someone casually holding a priceless ancient Chinese vase above an open top of an underground water retainer. It was overwhelming. #lamejoke
Thursday, January 18, 2024
Tepee
I told my wife that we should put a tepee in our backyard with colored lights. "Now is the winter of our disco tent." #lamejoke
Wednesday, January 17, 2024
Tuesday, January 16, 2024
Lice
Once upon a time, a young man developed an itchy head that lasted for days. At his wits end, he finally visited the doctor to be checked for lice. When the examination ended, the doctor broke the news that there were no lice at all, but rather, his head was infested with an army of tiny turtles. This is the story of the tortoise in the hair. #lamejoke
Monday, January 15, 2024
Nose
My buddy wants to get a nose job and asked which one I liked the most, but I didn't say. After all...you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose. #lamejoke
Sunday, January 14, 2024
Ceiling
My neighbor asked me to help him hang some sheet rock on his hallway ceiling. I said, “Man, that’s screwed up.” #lamejoke
Saturday, January 13, 2024
Friday, January 12, 2024
Wednesday, January 10, 2024
Tuesday, January 9, 2024
Monday, January 8, 2024
Corn
When I woke up this morning, I found that my whole body had turned to corn. If anyone has any suggestions, I’m all ears. #lamejoke
Sunday, January 7, 2024
Friday, January 5, 2024
God
My wife said that I look like a Greek god. Her actual words were, “Put your clothes on, you idiot, we’re in a museum!” But I know what she really meant. #lamejoke
Thursday, January 4, 2024
Frisbee
Then there’s the one about the ultimate frisbee competition on TV. It’s on the Disc Hovery network. #lamejoke
Wednesday, January 3, 2024
Poison
In ancient Rome, there were four kinds of poisons. Poisons I, II, and III would kill you instantly, but Poison IV would just make you itch. #lamejoke
Tuesday, January 2, 2024
Monday, January 1, 2024
Clowns
Then there's the one about the entire second floor of a hotel that was rented to a group of clowns. It’s a pretty funny story. #lamejoke