Why did the marsupial get the job?

He had all the correct koalafications.

What happens if you swallow a bunch of food coloring?

You dye a little on the inside.

What do you call a big sarcastic hole?

 A sarchasm.

What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? 

A cockerpoodledoo!

A man goes into a barber’s shop and notices that a little dog is watching the barber intently. 

"That dog seems very interested in what you’re up to," says the man. 

"He’s hoping for a treat," replies the barber sharpening his razor. "If I sneeze he sometimes gets a bit of ear."

What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?

Fowl weather.

Where does seaweed look for a job? 

In the ‘Kelp-Wanted’ ads.

Who stole the soap?
 

The robber ducky!

What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?

He called the piano tuna.

I was debating with myself whether or not I should write a paper about experimenting to see which had more mass, a truckload of books or 12 prison inmates. 

After weighing the prose and cons, I decided to go ahead with it.

What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?

A croaking device.

Noah started building several arks for various parts of animal kingdom.

One was a split level job for all the fish – a multi-story carp ark.

What kind of money do fishermen make?

Net profits.

Many years ago, a baker's assistant called Richard the Pourer, whose job it was to pour the dough mixture in the making of sausage rolls, noted that he was running low on one of the necessary spices. He sent his apprentice to the store to buy more.

Unfortunately, upon arriving at the shop, the young man realized that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. All he could do was to tell the shopkeeper that it was for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst.

The boss called Joey into the office.

"We both know you're not the brightest spark here, Joey," he said, "but over the last five years you've never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?"

"Vrooom, vroooom," Joey replied.

My boss called me into his office today. “We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?” “Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.

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