Sugar

Fun fact: “Sugar” is the only word in the English language where “su-“ makes a ‘sh’ sound. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s correct. #lamejoke

Vineyard

I take my cow for walks in the local vineyard. I herd it through the grapevines. #lamejoke

Coffee

According to the French press, coffee was voted the #1 drink, but there were some absent tea ballots. #lamejoke

Truck

I’ve finished converting my truck from gas to electric. I swapped out the diesel engine for the motor from a tumble dryer. It wouldn’t start at first, but then I realized that I hadn’t shut the door properly. After I did that, I took it for a spin. #lamejoke

Tea

People who make weak tea need to be served a restraining order. #lamejoke

Dogs

My wife hired a pack of dogs to do some tree trimming in our yard. But I don’t recommend it. It was pretty ruff. They left bark all over the place. #lamejoke

Party

I recently went to a costume party dressed as a car key. They threw me out because I looked like I might start something. #lamejoke

Reports

There have been reports of heavy shelling at the peanut butter factory. #lamejoke

Batteries

A man walks into a shop and asks the shopkeeper, “Do you have any of those round batteries?” The shopkeeper responds, “Is it for a clock?” “I don’t know,” says the man. “That’s why I need the batteries!” #lamejoke

Locksmith

For Halloween this year, Betsy wants me to dress up like a locksmith. I think it would look doorkey. #lamejoke

Tattooed

My friend tattooed his favorite Star Wars character on his cheek. You should have seen the Luke on his face. #lamejoke

Scrabble

Joey’s sister met her husband at a Scrabble tournament twenty years ago. Next week they’re gonna renew their vowels. #lamejoke 

Potatoes

We used to have couch potatoes, now we have youtubers. #lamejoke

Manuals

I wonder if gun manuals have a trouble shooting section. #lamejoke

Bandit

Underwear bandit admits brief crime spree. #lamejoke