Compasses

Compasses are easy to use become they come with directions. #lamejoke

Choice

When you have a tough choice to make, be sure to bring a raincoat because you might be in for some nasty whether.  #lamejoke

Beehive

A beehive without an exit? Unbelievable! #lamejoke

Pigeon

The difference between a composer and a pigeon? During a performance when a composer plays, the sound bounces around. When a pigeon makes a noise, a coo sticks. #lamejoke

Weight

If a rancher had to know the total weight of his herd, would he weigh each cow individually or would he do it on a large scale? #lamejoke

Dissertation

Finishing up my PhD dissertation titled "Water Condensation on Grass". It’s dew in the morning. #lamejoke

Bed

Tom Hanks goes to bed everyday for rest. #lamejoke

Skydiving

I can’t understand why skydiving is so expensive. It’s supposed to be a free fall. #lamejoke

Red

Joey has a bad habit of running red lights. He has to stop. #lamejoke

Alexander

Everyone's heard of Alexander the Great of Macedonia. Well, before he became great, he was known as Alexander the Mediocre because he was always late to battles. One day, during a retreat from battle, one of his generals told him about a special plant, that only grew in the area they were traversing, from which a fantastic potion could be brewed. The fantastic part was, at the top of every hour it would change color while during the hour the color would get lighter and lighter every five minutes. Alexander the Mediocre demanded that a specimen of this plant be brought to him and prove its special characteristic. The general sent out his captains to find this plant. When they brought it to Alexander, he ordered the potion be rendered. Sure enough, when the liquid was ready, it glowed a bright red. An hour later, it had passed through twelve shades of red, but right at the top of the hour, it suddenly changed to a bright blue. Then an hour later a bright green. Alexander the Mediocre was enthralled. He knew if he could carry a flask of this potion with him he would always know what time it was. But a problem soon arose when, one day, as he pulled his flask out, the string holding it snapped and the flask fell and broke. He had more of the potion produced and thought it would work if applied to clothing. He dabbed some on his tunic and, true to form, it glowed with the appropriate color for the time of day. But his sweat washed it all away. Looking for something else he thought to soak a cloth and wrap it around his wrist on top of a piece of leather to protect it from his sweat. But looking around his tent, he couldn't find a suitable piece of cloth except a scrap from an old uniform. He soaked the scrap of cloth in the potion, let it dry, and wrapped it around his wrist. It worked! Alexander the Mediocre no longer was late to battles, he could plan down to five minute increments, and in doing so he was able to drop the Mediocre moniker. He became Alexander the Great! And his device that helped him achieve this became known as Alexander's Rag Timeband. #lamejoke

Letter

How a handwritten letter is like a lazy dog? A handwritten letter is an ink lined plane. An inclined plane is a slope up. A slow pup is a lazy dog. #lamejoke 

Mailman

A mailman walks into a bar. He says, “I feel terrible. I’m hungover and I need a drink.” The bartender says, “Hair of the dog that bit you?” #lamejoke

Fish

I caught a fish. I had some trouble identifying it, so I asked it, “Are you a mackerel?” It said, “Nah.”  So I said, “Are you a salmon?” It said, “Nah.” Then I figured it out! It must be a 2-nah fish. #lamejoke

Powers

A group of superheroes are discussing their powers. Superman: I have super strength. Flash: I have super speed. Aquaman: I control all sea animals. Green Arrow: I tell cars when to turn left. #lamejoke

Drowning

Yesterday, I saved a man drowning in the river. I tossed him a bar of soap and he washed ashore. #lamejoke