Jacket

A guy in a leather jacket told me if I gave him a hundred bucks, after six weeks he would pay me $500.  Turned out to be a Fonzi scheme.  #lamejoke

Hair

Joey started losing his hair at a young age. Everyone saw him as old so he went out and bought a cheap wig.  It was a small price to pay.  #lamejoke 

Cheese

Ate my last piece of cheese last night, and today, it's raining.  Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone. #lamejoke

Swords

I was driving to the store the other day when a bunch of guys dressed as 16th century sailors held me up with swords. They were the pirates of the car I be in. #lamejoke

Asparagus

A distinct flavor in my herb-seasoned asparagus brought effusive praise at the potluck dinner. This was the fawning of the sage of asparagus. #lamejoke

Communists

Two communists are sitting together at the nudist colony. One turns to the other and asks, “Have you read Marx?” The second one replies, “Yes, it’s these stupid wicker chairs.” #lamejoke

Crows

The crows have lost their ability to speak. We should look into the caws. #lamejoke

Rules

I live my life by a couple of simple rules.  No pee jokes. That’s number one.  No poop jokes.  That’s number two. #lamejoke

Bed

This morning I had no trouble rolling out of bed.  It did, however, take great effort to get off the floor. #lamejoke 

Vinyl

Last night I dreamed I was a vinyl record.  I woke up feeling groovy. #lamejoke

Invisible

If I were to become the Invisible Man, I would NOT use my powers to spy on people.  I just want to make myself perfectly clear.  #lamejoke

State

Son: “Dad, what’s the northernmost state in the United States?” Dad: “Ask your mother.” Son: “Ok. Thanks, dad. I’ll ask her.” #lamejoke

A pirate's favorite party decoration? Duh, b’loons. #lamejoke

Pasta

My friends really like rice-shaped pasta. Orzo they say….  #lamejoke

Robot

"I don't know why I keep telling you this, but I'm not a little robot guy who only communicates in beeps and chirps."  “Are too.” #lamejoke