Robbers

There are three thieves who, as one final job together, plan on robbing a sacred tomb. Locals warn them that any who attempt to steal from the tomb will be cursed and great danger will befall them, but they decide to go through with it anyway.

They decide to go one at a time in case there really is any danger. The first man enters the tomb, grabs as much as he can carry, and sprints out. As he's leaving, he passes by a giant coffin and then hears a booming voice say, "If you dare to rob this sacred tomb, a great curse shall befall you. You shall die by FIRE!" He's a little spooked, but escapes the tomb unscathed with his riches.

The second man enters the tomb, grabs as much as he can carry, and sprints out. As he's leaving, he also passes a large coffin and hears a booming voice say, "If you dare to rob this sacred tomb, a great curse shall befall you. You shall die by WATER!" He's kinda freaked out, but knows that the first guy survived, and he too escapes the tomb unharmed with more wealth than he could imagine.

The third man enters the tomb, grabs as much as he can carry, and sprints out. As he's leaving, he too passes the huge sarcophagus and hears a booming voice say, "If you dare to rob this sacred tomb, a great curse shall befall you. You shall die by PLAGUE!" At this point, the thieves aren't scared anymore because they've all managed to escape unharmed, so the third guy just walks out of the tomb, his arms full of the spoils of his plunder.

The three thieves part ways and go on to live lavish, pleasant lives using the treasure they'd stolen to get rich. Each man had more than he could ever want, and each was in fantastic health for many years following their tomb robbing.

Fast forward twenty years, and the thieves have all but forgotten the words that echoed from the tomb that fateful day. The first man was enjoying a bonfire with his friends at his Miami beach house. After a night of drinking, most everyone was drowsy or passed out completely. The first man stood up to go inside, tripped over one of his friends, and fell headfirst into the fire pit. He suffered horrible burns all over his body and died as a result of his injuries.

The story made headlines, and after a while word got back to the other two thieves that their friend had perished. Both of them had a vague memory...something about a curse...and dying by fire...but after a few months they all but forgot their old friend and went about their lavish lives.

The second man was celebrating his birthday with his friends and family at an extravagant party on his private island. As night fell, he and a few of his friends decided to go down to the shore and go night-swimming. They, too, were a bit intoxicated, and there was a bit of a storm brewing, but they hardly cared. After swimming for a while, the man gets swept out to sea. He's not a strong swimmer and his friends can't see him, and he ends up drowning.

The third man catches wind of this and starts to panic. Dying by fire, dying by water...will he truly die by plague, as was foretold in the sacred tomb? He starts to put the remainder of this wealth into his health - he visits a different specialist every week, spends money on diet and workout programs, and does whatever he can to ensure that he stays healthy.

However, after several months, a mysterious illness befalls him. Doctors can't figure it out no matter how many tests they run. He's confined to a hospital bed for weeks on end, as he's too weak to even stand and walk. However, he doesn't come any closer to dying, and he starts to regain hope that maybe he's beaten the curse.

His health begins to improve, and soon he has enough strength to sit up in bed and eat on his own. He never has any visitors, as his friends were only his friends because of his great fortune.

One day, a nurse tells him he has a visitor. He's surprised, but excited, and tells the nurse to send them in. She leaves, and soon he hears someone coming down the hallway.

Except it doesn't sound like footsteps.

It's more like an awful, clunky, dragging sound. As if someone's struggling to push a heavy object down the hall.

He hears screams outside his closed door and begins to panic as the noise gets closer, closer, closer. He's still not strong enough to get out of bed, much less escape. He starts looking around him for something to defend himself with. The only things on his side table are a lamp, some magazines, a glass of water, a book he'd been reading, and some throat lozenges (cough drops, as he'd had a pretty nasty cough).

Suddenly, the door swings open. Staring the final thief in the face is the sarcophagus from the tomb. A voice booms out, "You have attempted to avoid the curse, but death waits for no man!" The coffin then begins inching towards him. It flies open, revealing emptiness, and the thief knows if he can't escape he'll be trapped in that coffin and die.

In a last attempt to defend himself, he starts throwing whatever he can reach at the sarcophagus. He chucks the lamp at it as hard as he can, but it keeps coming towards him. Then he tries the book, to no avail. The glass of water - nothing. The magazines - useless. Finally all that's left are the cough drops. The man all but resigns himself to his fate, picks up the lozenges, closes his eyes, and hurls the cough drops. The moment the cough drops hit it, the coffin stops. #lamejoke