A guy, riding on a train, had to use the restroom. Suddenly he reached up and started pulling on the emergency cord. The train screeched to a halt, throwing everyone out of their seats. Luggage went everywhere. 

The conductor asked the man, "Buddy, why'd you stop the train?"

The guy said, "I have hemorrhoids."

The conductor said, "Heck, a lot of people have hemorrhoids!"

The guy said, "Wrapped around an axle?"