I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying. I can also tell when they're standing. #lamejoke

A semi trailer filled with ramen noodles jackknifed on the highway today destroying all the contents. Damage was estimated at nearly $14. #lamejoke

I recently read the top 10 facts about diarrhea. Number 2 surprised me. #lamejoke

I'm partial to fractions. #lamejoke

I just saw a group of people watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The artist was good too. He really knew how to draw a crowd. #lamejoke

I’ve been trying to organize a Hide and Seek Tournament, but it’s not easy. Good players are hard to find. #lamejoke

I recently read that “icy” was the easiest word to spell. I didn’t understand at first, but now I see why. #lamejoke

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, "Wii." #lamejoke

Is the pool safe for diving? It deep ends. #lamejoke

There’s a short, silent video online which gives everyone that watches it $10. It’s the gif that keeps on giving. #lamejoke

Went to Chinatown for lunch yesterday, but the lights were too bright. I asked them to dim some. #lamejoke

Arnold Schwarzenegger started a new career. He's an exterminator. #lamejoke

When two snails get into a fight, they slug it out. #lamejoke

Never trust harps. They're big lyres. #lamejoke

Being a waiter is hard. The hours are long, the pay is low. But at least it puts food on the table. #lamejoke