Why do babies come out after nine months? 

Because they get so big, they run out of womb.

What do cannon balls do when they’re in love? 

Make BBs.

How many children does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it depends on wattage they are. If they're bright enough, they can do it.

Why is origami television so expensive to watch?

Because it’s pay per view.

How much did Santa's sleigh cost him?

Nothing. It was on the house.

What keeps Gouda up at night?

The Muenster under the bed!

What cereal makes fun of you but doesn't mean it? 

We tease.

Which animal is the best at barbecuing? 

The grilla.

So, this snake walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "How'd you do that?"

So, a miner and a chemist walk into a geology convention. They approach a table displaying a wide assortment of rocks. 

The chemist points in the booth's direction and asks the miner, "Which is your favorite? Cinnabar or cassiterite?" 

The miner thought for a moment and replied, "Either ore."

What do you call a factory that sells passable products? 

A satisfactory.

What do you call a bird that coughs a lot? 

A phlegmingo.

What's the resemblance between a green apple and a red apple? 

They’re both red except for the green one.

A friend called me last night, quite confused, to say a couple of sausages hit him on the head on the way home from the pub. 

"That's nothing!" I replied. "I got hit by four steaks, two pork chops and a leg of lamb."

"What could it be?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, but mine was definitely a meatier shower!"

What do you call a doctor who takes care of whales teeth? 

An orcadontist.