What do you call a factory that sells passable products? 

A satisfactory.

What do you call a bird that coughs a lot? 

A phlegmingo.

What's the resemblance between a green apple and a red apple? 

They’re both red except for the green one.

A friend called me last night, quite confused, to say a couple of sausages hit him on the head on the way home from the pub. 

"That's nothing!" I replied. "I got hit by four steaks, two pork chops and a leg of lamb."

"What could it be?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, but mine was definitely a meatier shower!"

What do you call a doctor who takes care of whales teeth? 

An orcadontist.

Which public office did the stallion run for? 

Mare.

What's the most commonly misspelled blood type? 

Type O.

What happened when the escalator broke down? 

Everyone stopped and staired.

What do you call sandwich meat if you put it on your lower leg? 

Below knee.

Who was the best kung fu vegetable? 

Brock Lee.

What's the best way to install a toilet relative to the wall? 

Flush.

"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains." 

"Pull yourself together, man."

What show do cows love to watch while they're eating?

Graze Anatomy.

If a crab were employed in a pizza parlor, in which work position would it work? 

The crust station.

How do billboards talk to each other? 

They use sign language.