Why do you find ghosts hanging around liquor stores?

That's where they get their boo's.

What is the mass of one cubic yard of Oriental soup?

Won Ton.

Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?

They're very bitter.

A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out. 

The genie said "I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes." 

 "Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."

A Sunday School teacher was watching her class as they drew. She asked one little girl what she was drawing. The little girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without looking up, the little girl replied, "They will in a minute."

What do you call bears with no ears?

B.

What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?

Abominable.

Primitive societies use only rough approximations for the known constants of mathematics. 

For example, the northern tribes of Alaska consider the ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a circle to be 3.

But it is not true that the value of 3 is called Eskimo pi.

Why did the Roman reporters rush to their papers when a Christian was victorious at the Coliseum?

There were dead lions.

What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?

Steer Wars.

Why did the cannibal keep a blender on his porch?

So he could greet visitors with a handshake.

A dog owner had a pit bull that hated to walk. He kept sitting down and bracing his feet so that his owner would have to drag him by his leash.

The owner finally gave up when he realized that he was creating a bottomless pit.

How would you describe an IRS hearing?

Auditory.

What do you get if you cross a pigeon with a frog?

Pigeon toad.

Quasimodo goes to a doctor for an annual checkup.

"I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says.

"What makes you say that?" asks Quasimodo.

"I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."