A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.

The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. This results in one of the worst pile-ups in history.

When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!"

In the early 1930’s, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

“$10 for 3 minutes,” replied the pilot. “That’s too much,” said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I’ll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you’ll have to pay $20.”

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, “I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.”

“Maybe so,” said the farmer, “But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out.”

Early one morning, a farmer was milking his cow. He was starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly the bug flew into the cow's ear.

The farmer didn't think much about it until the bug squirted out into the bucket. Then it dawned on him; it went in one ear and out the udder.

Why do milking stools only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

Be sure to lock your doors and windows at home! A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found him face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with cornflakes, milk, and sliced bananas.

The police suspect a cereal killer...

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!

"Impossible!!" said the groom broom. We haven't even swept together!"

A prison inmate had his prosthetic leg confiscated after he used it in a brawl with another prisoner. When the inmate found out the authorities were taking away his leg, he was hopping mad.

The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power.

This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.

The banker fell overboard while taking a cruise on a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, and not knowing if the banker could swim, shouted, "Can you float alone?"

"Of course!" the banker yelled back, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."

Why did the cookie cry?

Because his mother was a wafer so long.

What is it called when you lend money to a bison?

A buffa-loan.

The fathers of two teenage boys were talking. "My son, Matt, used to be late to school every day," said Mr. Smith. "I bought him a used car and that solved the problem."

"How did buying him a car solve the problem?" asked Mr. Jones.

Said Mr. Smith, "Now he gets to school early so he can find a parking space."

Two guys were standing inside a building of a local theme park. They were looking outside, and it was an extremely windy day. The area's custodian, the one who had the job of sweeping up debris, was a very small woman who didn't weigh much, and she was having a rough time trying to not be blown away.

One guy joked with the lady, telling her that she would have to put heavy rocks in her shoes when she went outside to work.

The lady looked up and replied, "You mean, now I weigh me down to sweep?"

Why did the two ghouls get married?

Because they loved each shudder.

If a red house is made of red bricks and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a green house made of?

Glass.