Counting

My wife told me to stop counting, but I didn’t one two. #lamejoke

TV

It's a shame nothing is made in the USA any more. I bought a new TV last week. It said built in antenna. (I don't even know where that is.) #lamejoke

Money

The app you can use to send the princess money? Zelle, duh! #lamejoke

Released

A violent Timex was just released from prison. So watch out! #lamejoke

Locked

If you ever get locked out of your house, don't panic. Talk to your lock calmly. Communication is the key. #lamejoke

Sweater

Joey tried to claim his sweater from Lost and Found, but they wanted proof that it was his. He had to take a pattern knitty test. #lamejoke

Toes

Whenever I see five toes, I know something is a foot. #lamejoke

Jingles

At first, John Lennon refused to perform jingles for fast food ads, but then he decided to give pizza chants. #lamejoke

Stradivarius

My Stradivarius brand bike did not come with stopping devices. I had to install some to brake the cycle of violins. #lamejoke

Collection

I'm having a difficult time selling my puppet collection. Someone want to take them off my hands? #lamejoke

Prostitution

The government sees an increase in prostitution on the ho, risin’. #lamejoke

Yawn

Is it true women like men who yawn? No. Actually, sighs don't matter. #lamejoke

Stuff

I just sold all my John Lennon stuff on eBay. Imagine all the Paypal.... #lamejoke

Video

The Beach Boys are making a music video

Their producer suggests they should have a celebrity cameo. They make some calls and come up with a list of potentials and they explain it to the producer.

"Okay, we've got some choices: the guy who entertained the troops, Mr. Hope; the TV painter, Mr. Ross; the former host of The Price is Right, Mr. Barker; the guy who played Smee in the movie Hook, Mr. Hoskins; the comedian, Mr. Saget; and the star of The Devil Wears Prada, Miss Hathaway."

The producer looks at them and says, "Well, who's it going to be? Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, or Anne?" #lamejoke

Soap

When I was young, it was my dream to make the perfect bar of soap. Alas, it slipped away. #lamejoke