Sandwiches

My wife was fixing finger sandwiches. She asked me if I could give her a hand. #lamejoke

Drink

A pirate's favorite drink? That would be the Hi-Cs. #lamejoke 

Golf

It's rough playing golf with my brother. He plays in a very unfair way. #lamejoke

Difference

The difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anybody can roast beef.  #lamejoke

Seats

I was down at the car lot today checking out the new cars. I wasn't sure if I wanted to buy one, so the pushy salesman offered to throw in free leather seats. But I'm not easily suede. #lamejoke

Air Freshener

I just invented the world's first thought activated air freshener. It makes scents when you think about it… #lamejoke

Table

I slept on a pool table once. I liked how it felt. #lamejoke

Reverse

Why am I suddenly only able to walk in reverse? I am at a complete loss forwards. #lamejoke

Glacier

You don't believe that the exploding glacier didn't hurt anyone? It didn't. Ice hit you not. #lamejoke

Satellites

The first satellite asks the second satellite, “What do you do?” “I transmit signals for NASA. What do you do?” “I transmit radio signals to cars.” “Are you serious?” #lamejoke 

Two

If I had to choose between petrified wood and coprolite,I would choose petrified wood, but coprolite is a solid number two. #lamejoke

Carrier

I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a postal carrier or not, but when they handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.” #lamejoke

Alligators

Did you know that alligators can live to be 100 years old? That increases the chances that they will actually “see you later”. #lamejoke

Bigamy

Bigamy is a crime. You see, you can't have your Kate and Edith, too. #lamejoke

Sofa

The furniture salesman told me that a sofa I was looking at would seat five people without any problems. Where am I gonna find five people without any problems?!?! #laamejoke