Trailer

I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment. It went off without a hitch. #lamejoke

Text

Sad news. The man who invented predictive text has passed away. May he rust in piss. #lamejoke

River

I once wrote a story about crossing a wide river without a bridge in my car. It ended up being a ferry tale. #lamejoke

Hairdresser

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. How are you getting there?"

"We're taking British Airways," was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

"British Airways?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome‘s Tiber River called Tesse.”

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in to the hairdressing shop. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job. And now it’s a jewel. The finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn’t get to see the Pope. “

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me"

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said, "Who the fuck did your hair?" #lamejoke

Ghost

Turns out Joey's girlfriend was actually a ghost this entire time. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door. #lamejoke

Dentist

Sometimes dentists ask dumb questions like, “When’s the last time you flossed?” Like, Bro, you were there! #lamejoke

Egg

Joey thought breaking up with an egg would be hard, but once he did, he said that it was over easy. #lamejoke

Kitchen Zoo

In case you're wondering what’s in the kitchen but belongs in a zoo? It's a pan. Duh. #lamejoke

Bean

Mr. Bean said it best when he said.... 

#lamejoke

Stew

Tonight we're having Mt. Everest rabbit stew for dinner. We found him a layin' on the road. #lamejoke

Crow

I adopted a crow today. It was for a good caws. #lamejoke

Pebble

The shy pebble's greatest aspiration? To be a little boulder. #lamejoke

Dinosaur

I asked the librarian who the best author of dinosaur books is. She said try Sarah Topps. #lamejoke

Roulette

I tried to caution a friend about playing Russian Roulette, but it went in one ear and out the other. #lamejoke

Teacher

The music teacher was fired for reading band books. #lamejoke