What do you call a hairstyle that didn't use hairspray, and came out terribly?

 A no-can do.

What kind of music do wind turbines like?  They're big metal fans.

What's the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

One you'll see after while and the other you'll see later.

These two shepherds are leaning on their staffs at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"

The second one sighs and shakes his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." 

The first replies, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."

Why are there always two EMTs in an ambulance?

Because they're a pair of medics.

How do baby skunks follow their mom at night?

End stinks.

What's a drunk rabbit been drinking?

Hopscotch.

What's the best way to eat a hot dog?

With relish.

"I need to call the doctor today."

"Which doctor?"

"No, the regular kind."

How do you know the letters A through Y are all evil letters?  

Because they're all not Zs.

What did the facial hair say when it ran away? 

Moustache.

How does a clock communicate with small bugs?

Tick talk.

How do plants greet?

Aloe.

What is it called if you prefer bowls over plates?

Dishcrimination.

To whomever stole my thesaurus....

You made my day bad. 

I hope bad things happen to you. 

You're a bad person.