Who is the beloved children's storybook author of ancient Greek times?

 

Dr Zeus.

Why are there only 239 beans in Irish bean soup? 
 
Because one more bean would make it too-farty.

What do you get when you cross a plumber with a psychiatrist?

I don't know, but it sounds like emotionally draining work.

What's soft and cuddly and says, "Oink, oink"?

A teddy boar.

Why doesn't anybody talk to pi?

 He's irrational and he goes on forever!

What would you do if a store sold you rancid animal fat?
 
Sue it.

How can you tell a male turkey from a female turkey?
 
The male is the one holding the remote control.

Why did Little Miss Muffet push Humpty Dumpty off the wall? 

He got in her whey!

"Dad, what's for dinner?" 

"Wookiee steaks." 

"Are they good?" 

"Well, they are a little Chewy."

What does a frog use to do home repairs?

A toad's tool

My wife misses me....

But, her aim is getting better.

Back in my hiking days, I noticed a black bird roosting in a nearby tree.

"I've always wondered what's the difference between a raven and a crow," I said.

"You have to count the pinion feathers on the wings," my companion explained. "If there are four, it's a crow. If there are five, it's a raven."

"Really?" I said, although I knew he didn't have a clue about which he spoke.

"Oh, yes," he replied. "It's just a matter of a pinion."

What's the difference between a gymnast and a Public Works employee working in icy conditions?
 
One does somersaults. The other winter salts.

What would Dorothy say if she played baseball in Oz? 

"There's no plate like home!"

What has forty feet and sings?
 
The school choir!