What's stucco?

It's what happens when you step in bubblegummo.

What do you call a dead magician's assistant?
 
An abracadaver.

How deep is a frog pond? 

Kneedeep, kneedeep.

I am sad to report that the man who invented the Hokey-Pokey has died. 

It was a serious and solemn affair, until it came time to place him in the coffin. 

They put his right leg in... it all went downhill from there.

Why did the optician go ice fishing? 

He had perfect ice sight.

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? 

It’s surprising he didn’t see that one coming....

What did the generous mole say when his friends crashed his party?
 
The mole the merrier!

Why didn't the pencil do well in class?

He wasn't very sharp.

What do you call a broken can opener?

A can't opener.

Why did the rope cross the road?

Why knot?

When did the duck wake up? 

At the quack of dawn.

What did the corn cob call his father?  

Pop.

What did the beaver say to the tree?

"It's been nice gnawing you."

What song do romantic fish sing to each other? 

♫.... Salmon-chanted evening.... ♫

Why did the musician want his kids to learn to read?

So they would be sharp.