Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food but no atmosphere.…

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

What happened when the computer fell on the floor?

It slipped a disk.

What's a kitten's favorite color?

Purrple.

What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster spat on the ground?

"It's saliva!! It's saliva!!"

What kind of footwear did Lester buy his frog for the summer?

Open toad.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

"Bone appetite!"

Why did the reporter go into the ice cream shop?

He wanted to get the scoop.

When Leif Ericson returned from his New World voyage, he found that his name had been dropped from the registry of his hometown.

He reported the omission to the chief town official who, deeming it a slight to a distinguished citizen, protested strongly to the district census taker.

"I'm terribly sorry,” apologized that officer in great embarrassment. "I must have taken Leif off my census!"

What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?

A hobby horse.

What did the girl ocean say to the boy ocean when he asked her out on a date?

"Shore."

Did you hear the one about the failed attempt to start a magazine dedicated to the work of poet e.e. cummings?

The project was undercapitalized.

In American history, Aaron Burr fought a duel with Alexander Hamilton.

Did it take a long time to arrange that duel?

Actually, it only took a couple of seconds.

A man owned a shabby, rundown boat slip on a lake where all of the other slips were well painted and kept up.

Their owners tended to look down on him, so he finally gave in and had his slip painted which just goes to show the high cost of pier pressure.

A fisherman carelessly dropped his wallet into the water and was amazed to see a school of carp deftly balancing the wallet on their noses and tossing it from one fish to the other.

"Gosh," exclaimed the fisherman, "That's the first time I've ever seen carp to carp walleting!"