It has just come to light that residents who live near the Indianapolis Speedway, home of the Indy 500 auto race, plan to file a suit over foul-smelling exhaust fumes from the track.

They are seeking damages for Indy scent exposure.

My cousin is in a bad spot. He has a bad inner ear problem that needs surgery soon, or he’ll lose his hearing on that side. He has no insurance and the cost is WAY too much for him.

He does have a way out, though. A local elderly widow has offered to pay for the operation — but only if he’ll marry her, afterwards. She’s 50 years older than he is!

You could call it a wife or deaf situation….

Farmer Fred had a problem arise when, upon preparing his prize bull for market. The barn door slammed shut cutting the tail off the bull.

His prize bull was to be sold that very day, yet now Farmer Fred couldn't wholesale him or retail him.

Little Jimmy's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station.

The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is?"

Little Jimmy's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.

Little Jimmy replied, "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!"

Where can you get deals on mustard?

Groupoupon.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

What did 0 say to 8?

"Nice belt."

A teacher is explaining biology to her 1st grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter”, she says.

A little girl raised her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered”, she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well”, she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”

“That must have been scary”, said the teacher. “It sure was”, said the little girl. “My kitty raised his back, went ‘Fffff, Fffff, Fffff’…. And before he could say “Fuck”, the Rottweiler ate him.

A old Texas rancher was drawing up his will so that he might provide for his three boys when he passed away. He decided to divide his land up evenly among them.

His wife suggested that he name the land "The Focus Ranch."

"Why should I do that, my love?"

"Because it is where the sons raise meat."

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different!

The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again.”

Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Earline with me.”

Is there a best month of spring?

There May be.

During a dark night in Killarney, a group of American tourists huddled in Durty Nellie's pub. A local Irishman sidled up to one of them and proposed a scheme to sell a cure for leprosy.

"I'm sorry", the American said, stiffly. "I'm not Irish. I don't believe in leper cons."

A woman walks into a vet’s waiting room. She’s dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does not want to be there.

“Sit, Fluffy,” she says.

Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer’s lap, getting water all over him.

“I said sit, now there’s a good Fluffy,” says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates.

The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, “Damn it, Fluffy, will you be good?!” Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office.

As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says, “Pardon me, I’ve just washed my hare, and can’t do a thing with it!”

Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical convention and making jokes.

The first, a Florida surgeon, says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded.”

The third, a California surgeon, says: “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth, a New York surgeon, chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when he observed, “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

A man was hailed into court for dumping trash in a forbidden area. The judge asked, "Didn't you see the sign posted there?”

"Yes sir, I sure did," replied the man. "It says real plain in big letters 'FINE FOR DUMPING'!’”