A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms.

She said, "It depends on what's in it for me."

There's a new birth control device for men.

It's a rock that you put in your shoe.

It makes you limp.

A man was feeling terribly out of sorts and decided to go to the doctor so he made an appointment and showed up the next day.

After the doctor examined the man, the doctor invited him into his office for the consultation. The doctor came into the room with three different bottles of pills. The doctor told the man to take the red pill in the morning with a big glass of water, the blue pill in the afternoon with a big glass of water and the green pill in the evening with a big glass of water.

The man, terribly shocked at the amount of pills he had to take, asked the doctor what in the world was wrong with him.

The doctor replied, "You aren't getting enough water."

A monk was traveling and came to a fork in the road.

He stopped, looked at it and decided to leave it there for someone else to ponder, someone who might need it, for his own spoon was quite sufficient.

A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure depression.

The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again.

Two drunken men were driving home.

The first started screaming, "Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the waaaaall!"

Baaaaam! They hit the wall.

The next day in the hospital, the first man asked his friend, "You good for nothing, I'd been screaming for you to watch out, why didn't you?"

Jim answered, "IT WAS YOU DRIVING!!!"

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and preceded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

What has leather, feathers, and rides a Harley?

A biker chick.

Do doctors still make housecalls?

Only if your house is really sick.

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?"

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!"

"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."

Who was the first man in the Bible to break all ten commandments?

Moses.

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

"Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up."

A man was explaining to a friend how he managed to get home the previous night. "I was doing just fine until I turned into my driveway", he said.

"And then what happened?"

"Someone stepped on my hands!"

What did they call that herd of wild oxen that developed vertigo after migrating from Tibet to Kenya?

Afro Dizzy Yaks.

What's green and fluffy and comes from Mars?

A Martian-mellow.