The brunette arrives at the ranch, likes the looks of the bull and buys it for $599. After paying for him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch and that I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so that we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator tells her that he will be glad to help and that it only costs 99 cents per word. Unfortunately the brunette only has one dollar left after paying for the bull, which means she can only send her sister a single word.
After thinking for a moment, she tells the operator to send a telegram with the single word “Comfortable.” The operator shakes his head and asks, “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul the back to your ranch if you send her just the word “Comfortable”?
The brunette explains, “My sister’s a blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it slow — Com-for-da-bul.”
Once upon a time, about 4000 years ago, a great army of Kurds (from Kurdistan in Iraq) swept across the Middle East, conquering vast areas of land. They pushed westward until they reached what is the present state of Israel. There, they met staunch resistance from a small tribe of mountain dwellers called the Yerms. The Yerms were wonderful archers. They would simply wait in the hills until the Kurds passed through the valleys below, then they would shower the Kurdish soldiers with hundreds of arrows. For defense, the Yerms built a series of underground tunnels in which they could seek refuge whenever they were threatened.
After a long struggle, the Yerms were finally defeated, and the Kurds conquered the land. There was one Yerm, however, who had not given up. He decided to exact revenge. The Kurdish King had set up his capitol in Jerusalem, a city dominated by hills on the East. Through these hills there was only one narrow pass providing easy passage to Kurdistan. The last remaining Yerm guarded the pass and shot everyone who tried to get through. When the Kurdish soldiers came after him, he simply scuttled into one of the tunnels the Yerms had dug and escaped.
This distressed the King of the Kurds. Because of one lowly Yerm, no important messages or emissaries could pass through from his kingdoms in the East. The King had his military leaders identify the scrawniest, fastest soldier in the army. He called the man to his throne room one day and told him to go into the hills alone at night, sneak into the Yerm’s tunnels and capture that one last remaining Yerm. The soldier went out that very night, but never returned.
The King then identified and commissioned his second scrawniest soldier to attempt the same thing. That second scrawny soldier was never seen again. For weeks, the King kept sending out his dwindling supply of scrawny soldiers but none ever returned.
The King had become terribly discouraged when, one day, a big, burly soldier appeared before him and claimed he could capture the Yerm. The King doubted the wisdom of the move, but in his desperation he directed the big Kurd to find and capture the wily Yerm.
The next morning, bright and early, the King was awakened by the return of the soldier who marched into the palace with the Yerm slung over his shoulder. The delighted King promptly promoted the Kurd to captain of the guard, and, as was Kurdish custom, made the Yerm his personal man-servant.
As the new captain turned to leave, the King stopped him and asked, “Captain, how did you capture the Yerm?”
The big, burly soldier responded, “Sire, everyone knows that the burly Kurd catches the Yerm!”
Once upon a time in the hills of Tennessee, there was a pie-making contest. This contest was special, because it was for mothers and sons who competed in teams. The mother-son teams were judged on speed, and each team had a bell to ring when they were through.
The day of the contest came, and the judges watched the proceedings, listening intently for the sound of the first bell. Suddenly a bell did indeed ring out, and one judge asked, “Who rang?” A voice from the crowd of spectators called out, “Lem and his maw rang.”
Ever since then, the pie they made has been known as “Lem and Maw Rang Pie.”
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test. “Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Without numbers?” the Cajun says, “Dat is easy.” and proceeds to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asks.
“‘Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,” says the Cajun.
“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”
The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “‘Ere you go.”
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.”
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “‘Ere you go. One hundred.”
The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred…
“So, when I start?”
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"
