Pimples

Joey photographs his own pimples. Is zit art? #lamejoke

Sushi

What Sushi A said to Sushi B? Wasabiiii? #lamejoke

Pamphlet

I asked my brother to hand me a travel pamphlet. He said, “Bro, sure!” #lamejoke

Sample

A tortoise brought a stool sample to the doctor. The doctor looked at it and said, “Yep, that turtle do.” #lamejoke

Overboard

One day I almost fell overboard but was saved by boxes of fish. There but for the crates of cod go I. #lamejoke

Caroling

Apparently, I am banned from caroling in the psych hospital now. Turns out, singing “Do you hear what I hear” was a bad choice. #lamejoke

Chocolate

A guy walks into a chocolate bar and tells a joke. Everybody snickers. #lamejoke

Dehydrated

What one dehydrated French guy said to the other dehydrated French guy? What should we do now, Pierre? #lamejoke 

Drinking

Joey told me that he’s quit drinking for good. (Now he only drinks for evil.) #lamejoke

Bagpipes

Never run with bagpipes. You could get kilt. #lamejoke

Cat

My kids want a cat for Christmas. Normally we do a turkey or a ham, but if this makes them happy…. #lamejoke

Elves

What do you call it when all the elves clap for their boss? Santapplause. #lamejoke 

Vowels

"When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat the vowels." "Why?" "Sometimes." #lamejoke

Hooks

Where pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores. #lamejoke

Letter

Why was the letter E the only letter to get a present from Santa? Because all the other letters were not E. #lamejoke

Hatchet

The most important rule of hatchet throwing? Don’t ax me. #lamejoke

Attempt

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Sorry. That was my weak attempt at humor. #lamejoke 

Lost

I got lost while hiking once. After several nervous hours trying to retrace my steps and establish where I was, eventually a park ranger found me. I told him I'd been following my compass, but I'd still got lost. When I showed him my compass, he saw it was made by Tait & Co. He told me they were a notoriously unreliable brand. "He who has a Tait's is lost!" #lamejoke

Singing

A woman who won't stop singing Christmas songs? Carolyn. #lamejoke 

Ants

Two ants tried to make a seesaw using a toothpick and half a crumb, but it didn't work. They needed a full crumb. #lamejoke 

Soup

Checking the menu, a restaurant customer ordered a bowl of vegetable soup. After a couple of spoonfuls, he saw a circle of wetness right under the bowl on the tablecloth.

He called the waitress over and said, "It's all wet down here. The bowl must be cracked."

The waitress said, "You ordered vegetable soup, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Maybe it has a leek in it!" #lamejoke