Good

If only there were a way to say really good in one word, that would be great! #lamejoke

Lost

Two men are lost in the desert, and are desperate for water.

Knowing they are just hours away from certain death, they see a group of three tents in the distance. They stagger towards the tents, realizing that this may be their last hope.

Entering the first tent, they see an Arab trader, and the first man gasps: "Water, water...!"

The trader replies, "I'm sorry my friend, I've only got mixed fruit here."

"What?! Mixed fruit?" says the thirsty man.

"Yeah, just mixed fruit, sorry," replies the trader. "Try next door."

The men enter the next tent, and again the first man gasps: "Water, water...!"

The trader inside replies, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've only got jelly."

"What? I don't believe this," says the man.

"Yeah, just loads of jelly. There might be water in the last tent, you could try there," suggests the trader.

Reaching the last tent they crawl in. "Water, water...!" gasps the first man.

The trader, immediately looks apologetic, and says, "I'm sorry, I've only got custard here."

The thirsty men are now distraught. "Forget you and your tents," says the first man. "That was totally useless!"

Together with his friend, he staggers back into the desert.

A little later, the first man turns to his friend and says, "Back there with the tents, that was a bit weird wasn't it?"

"Yes," says his companion, "it was a trifle bazaar." #lamejoke

Sprinter

Joey didn’t get the joke about the sprinter who was racing in the 100 yard dash and accidentally inhaled a bug. Apparently it’s a running gag. #lamejoke

Mom

I saw my mom upside down today. I was like “wow”. #lamejoke

Beetle

A dung beetle walks into a bar. "Is this stool taken?" #lamejoke

Apple

Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away or is it one of Granny’s myths? #lamejoke 

Air

I invented a thought controlled air freshener. Makes scents when you think about it. #lamejoke

Werewolf

The worst thing about werewolf YouTubers? They always ask you to lycan subscribe. #lamejoke

Table

Just bought an original Van Gogh coffee table. I know it’s authentic because there’s a piece of veneer missing. #lamejoke

Godfather

The Godfather was having a conversation with his wife about the state of his empire.

"Honey," he said. "The people just don't fear me like they used to. Tributes are down, protection money is down. The other gangs aren't giving us our respect. Heck, it's taken us two weeks to get the repairs started on our kitchen, and even NOW, the carpenter is making a ton of noise during our dinner. You've prepared such a nice meal."

"Vito", she said gingerly. "Of course the people don't fear you, you haven't given them a REASON to fear you in a long while. You've gone soft, dear."

Anger flashed through his eyes.

"Perhaps", he said, scratching his throat. "Maybe it's time to remind them of who I am."

At this he made a slashing motion with his finger.

One week later, the Godfather and his wife were at dinner, again talking about the state of his empire.

"Tributes are back up. Protection money is back up", he said gleefully. "You show the strength, you show the muscle, and the people remember just how much you control the city."

"I love that, honey!" she said. "Just like the man I married. And you even got the repairs to stop during dinner so we can have some peace and quiet."

Don Vito smiled proudly, slashing at his throat. "That's because I had to whack the carpenter," he said.

"He saw too much." #lamejoke

Acting

Two students at the University of Alabama had to share an acting part. They were role tied. #lamejoke

Waves

Our hero’s second adventure had him learning how to calm the ocean’s waves. It was a sea quell. #lamejoke

Printer

My friend was bragging that his 3D printer could print a gun, but I wasn’t impressed. I've had a Canon printer for years. #lamejoke

Exam

I flunked out of clown college for failing the face painting exam. You know, they could’ve given me a make-up test…. #lamejoke 

Chicken

Once upon a time there was a girl who lived in a vegan household.

Her parents were vegan activists who despised anyone who ate meat of any kind.

Each night at dinner they would tell their daughter about how bad meat tasted and how cruel the agriculture industry was when treating animals.

As the years go by, she starts getting sick of eating the same old vegan products and wanted to experiment a bit but never had the guts to do anything.

Her friends one day invite her to go out for a day at the local shopping center.

They go around store to store window shopping, having a great time.

It’s coming around to lunch time and everyone is starving.

Her first friend goes up and orders a wings combo box from KFC.

Her second friend orders chicken McNuggets from McDonalds..

Her third friend gets chicken fingers from Raising Canes.

She not wanting to really disappoint her parents went and got a vegan salad for lunch.

As they were eating all her friends were telling her how much they loved to eat chicken sharing their various chicken meals with each other.

They kept on trying to get her to try some.

She eventually fell into the peer pressure and tried one nugget.

The burst of flavor from the chicken rushes through her mouth.

"Why was it only now she was discovering this realm of flavor," she thought to herself.

It was love at first bite.

She wanted more.

She then tries a bite of her friends chicken fingers.

It also blew her taste buds away.

This whole new avenue of flavors hitting her palate.

She was then handed one of the wings from her friend’s combo box to try.

Even more flavors she had never tried before was hitting her tongue.

It was her night to cook dinner this week, so she decided she needed to get her parents to experience these flavors not caring that it's not vegan.

Maybe having a bit of meat to chew on might make them a bit less grumpy.

She asks all her friends what the best way is to cook some chicken for dinner.

Her friends were delighted that she also loved chicken as they all did.

They took her to the library next to the shopping center and got some recipe books.

They showed her all these recipes.

Chicken parmigiana, chicken Kiev, chicken burgers, chicken kebabs, buffalo wings, nuggets, chicken Caesar salads, satay chicken, and roast chicken.

She ended up choosing to make a Caesar salad since she has most of the ingredients back at home and could also sneak in some chicken without her parents not realizing it's not a vegan meal

She just had to find the dressing and some chicken.

So, she goes back to the shops with her friends to get what she needed to cook dinner.

They first all go to Safeway.

They get the Caesar dressing first.

Next the go to the cold meats section.

They walk up and down the aisle but there’s no chicken left.

“Alright no drama, I’m sure there would be some in Walmart,” one of her friends says.

So, they buy the dressing and head to Walmart.

They walk to the cold meats section and walk up and down the aisle but there is also no chicken left there.

“It’s fine, there should be some left at the butcher,” another friend says.

So, they go to the butcher.

They ask the butcher there if he has any chicken in stock.

“Sorry girls, we are out of chicken for the day,” the butcher responds.

“Ok I’m sure Aldi would have some chicken left, right?” the last friend says.

They all head to Aldi.

As they enter, they see the cold meats section.

There is so much chicken.

There's chicken breast, chicken thigh, chicken wings, chicken drumsticks, whole chickens, half chickens, roast chickens, minced chicken, sliced chicken, and chicken sausages.

Surprised the girl says out loud

“Look at Aldi’s chickens!”

Stir Fry

Woke up this morning with stir fry on my pillow. I think I was sleepwoking again. #lamejoke

Rainbow

How much does a rainbow weigh? I’m not sure, but I think they’re pretty light. #lamejoke