Kangaroo

I thought I saw a kangaroo in the forest the other day, but maybe it was just an hoptical illusion. #lamejoke

Non Sequitur

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly. #lamejoke

Yes

 Why do I always say yes? I don’t know. #lamejoke

Great Expectations

I just finished reading "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped. #lamejoke

Number

A friend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number. I wonder what he's up to these days…. #lamejoke

Owl

Another name for an owl beak? Who knows? #lamejoke

Documentary

Some terrorists wanted to film a documentary about plane hijackings. They are currently shooting the pilot. #lamejoke

Duck

A duck walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Waddle it be?" #lamejoke 

Queen

I once went to an open-air Queen concert. As it turned out, the performance was stopped half way through due to thunderbolts and lightning. Very, very frightening…. #lamejoke

 

Surgery

Anyone contemplating back surgery should read the disc lamer. #lamejoke

Bumbershoot

The guy who invented the umbrella wanted to call it the “Brella”. But he hesitated…. #lamejoke

Bus Stop

Joey told me that he saw a werewolf behind the bus stop last night, either that, or a really hairy homeless guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked. #lamejoke

Free Ride

Help!

I need your help folks!!

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter flight for four people? I'm still looking for two more people to join us. We leave early Saturday (June 19th) from the airport and fly to Destin, FL, where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch. Then, we’ll do a flight along the coast to see the sharks and dolphins, then return to Joe's Crab shack, for dinner, then fly back home.

If interested please pm me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go. Serious inquiries only!! Thank you!!!

Lamp

I bought a lamp that said that, if I rubbed it, a genie would come out and grant me three wishes. But when I did it, nothing happened. Must have rubbed it the wrong way. #lamejoke

Cricket

I've heard that cricket matches can last for days. I guess there's no rest for the wicket. #lamejoke

Lobster

I walked by a lobster shack. The sign said: $2.00 Lobster Tails. I pay the guy the two dollars. He begins,"Once upon a time, there was this lobster....." #lamejoke

Limbo

Just so you know, when it comes to limbo, I set the bar pretty high. #lamejoke 

Teacher

My favorite teacher back in school was Mrs Turtle. Funny name, but she tortoise well. #lamejoke

Cheese

I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese". But, now that I've said that, it's just a curd to me. #lamejoke

Last Wish

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline. #lamejoke

Water

Jerry can lift a gallon of water. #lamejoke 

Apostrophe

Joey dated an apostrophe once. Way too possessive. #lamejoke

Fighter

The ancient Roman fighter showed no remorse as a cannibal. In fact, he was gladiator. #lamejoke