I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying. I can also tell when they're standing. #lamejoke

A semi trailer filled with ramen noodles jackknifed on the highway today destroying all the contents. Damage was estimated at nearly $14. #lamejoke

I recently read the top 10 facts about diarrhea. Number 2 surprised me. #lamejoke

I'm partial to fractions. #lamejoke

I just saw a group of people watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The artist was good too. He really knew how to draw a crowd. #lamejoke

I’ve been trying to organize a Hide and Seek Tournament, but it’s not easy. Good players are hard to find. #lamejoke

I recently read that “icy” was the easiest word to spell. I didn’t understand at first, but now I see why. #lamejoke

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, "Wii." #lamejoke

Is the pool safe for diving? It deep ends. #lamejoke

There’s a short, silent video online which gives everyone that watches it $10. It’s the gif that keeps on giving. #lamejoke

Went to Chinatown for lunch yesterday, but the lights were too bright. I asked them to dim some. #lamejoke

Arnold Schwarzenegger started a new career. He's an exterminator. #lamejoke

When two snails get into a fight, they slug it out. #lamejoke

Never trust harps. They're big lyres. #lamejoke

Being a waiter is hard. The hours are long, the pay is low. But at least it puts food on the table. #lamejoke

What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, always has 6 letters, but never has 5 letters!?! #lamejoke

I got tired of playing the triangle in band. It was just one ting after another. #lamejoke

I got an email from Google Earth saying it can "read maps backwards" and I thought, “That’s just spam.” #lamejoke

What do you call a dehydrated French guy? Pierre. #lamejoke

The joke about "The Raven" was in Poe taste. #lamejoke

Joey's wife wants him to be more sensitive. So he got her abacus beads for her birthday. (It's the little things that count.) #lamejoke

The police finally caught the serial killer known for his really bad stammer. It’ll be a while before he completes his sentence. #lamejoke

Donating blood is A-positive thing. #lamejoke

Joey suffers from chronic constipation, but he won’t let that stop him. He's pushing on, undeterred. #lamejoke

I got stuck in the loft last night. It was problem attic. #lamejoke

A mime broke his left arm in a bar fight and got arrested. He still has the right to remain silent. #lamejoke

Storks don’t live with any remorse. Nor egrets. #lamejoke

Happy Independence Day! May the 4th be with you. #lamejoke

What does an oyster wear into battle? 

Clamouflage. #lamejoke

I left work for a chiropractor appointment, but then went straight back. #lamejoke

Joey used to be an everyday strength trainer. Now, he's just a weakened warrior. #lamejoke