Thursday, April 3, 2025

Hike

Knock knock. Who's there? Hike. Hike who? Unsuspecting you. Tim waiting with bated breath. Sets the perfect trap. #lamejoke

Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Tail

Which animal has the nicest tail? Asking for a fur-end. #lamejoke

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Hammock

I was recently coaxed into buying a hammock. What can I say, I’m easily swayed. #lamejoke 

Monday, March 31, 2025

Furniture

I told my wife I would go a whole day without making furniture puns. Sofa, so good. #lamejoke 

Sunday, March 30, 2025

Museum

We walked by the Museum of Civil War Medicine yesterday. I told my wife, "I bet some people would give their right arm to get in there."​ #lamejoke 

Saturday, March 29, 2025

Cow

On my way to work this morning, I yelled COW! at a woman riding a bicycle. She gave me the middle finger. told me to f*ck off, and...then plowed into the cow. #lamejoke

Friday, March 28, 2025

Pennies

I listened to a guy for an hour talk about how his watch can magically produce pennies out of nothing. I had a really hard time believing him at first, but, by the end of his rant, it made sense. #lamejoke 

Thursday, March 27, 2025

Wife

Joey’s ex-wife still misses him. But her aim is improving. #lamejoke

Wednesday, March 26, 2025

Eggs

In the annual competition between poached and scrambled eggs to see which is better, poached are still unbeaten. #lamejoke

Tuesday, March 25, 2025

Mattresses

If a King sleeps on a king mattress, and a Queen sleeps on a queen mattress, what does a Prince sleep on? An heir mattress. #lamejoke

Monday, March 24, 2025

Housekeeping

Imagine my confusion when I saw a job posting for light housekeeping. There aren’t even any large bodies of water for hundreds of miles. #lamejoke

Sunday, March 23, 2025

Carts

This economy is sad. I just saw an elderly man collecting carts outside the local supermarket. He must have been pushing 80. #lamejoke 

Saturday, March 22, 2025

Bee

Why the British bee was thrown out of the house? He didn’t beehive. #lamejoke 

Friday, March 21, 2025

Horn

The car horn specialist at the dealership told me a very important and valuable lesson. He said, “Beep repaired.” #lamejoke 

Thursday, March 20, 2025

Dude

I was chatting to a guy recently and called him dude. He wasn’t happy. He said, “Look, either call me pal or buddy - never dude.” That was my first experience with preferred bronouns. #lamejoke