Multiplying

Multiplying makes me numb, but multiplying by two makes me even number. #lamejoke

Birds

How many birds it takes to change a light bulb? One cannot, but Toucan. #lamejoke

Fish

How long it takes to reheat fish in the microwave? Tuna half minutes. #lamejoke

Eye

If you lost an eye and the only way to replace it was using part of a tree... would you do it? I would. #lamejoke

Shrinking

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes, but then I found out that it was really the fridge. #lamejoke

Emails

I started getting a bunch of emails discussing the differences between the colors rose, crimson, and ruby. After a while, it got so annoying I right clicked on my inbox and selected, "Mark All As Read". #lamejoke 

Walk

Went for a walk today and I saw no people. I passed a slice of apple pie, a hot fudge sundae, and a piece of cheesecake. The streets were strangely deserted. #lamejoke

Bubble

They’re using bubble wrap as a therapy tool now. Seems like pop psychology to me. #lamejoke 

Dogs

Why dogs stop and sniff every lamppost and bush they pass on their walk? Checking their pmail maybe? #lamejoke

Golf

Fred Flintstone and one of his pals from work, Rex Rock, decided to knock off early and play some golf. They hadn't played at the Dinosaur Graveyard Golf Course for a while, so they decided to give it a try. 

One unique feature of this golf course were the hazards. Rather than the traditional water, sand traps and trees, this course, as the name implied, had the carcasses of prehistoric beasts scattered throughout.

Fred and Rex started playing and Rex was having a particularly bad game. First he sliced the ball, then he hooked the ball and relatively easy putts just weren't falling. 

As the game continued, Rex became frustrated and began grumbling and moaning about his game to Fred. On the seventeenth fairway, he hit his approach shot; the ball overshoots the green and lands in the cranial cavity of a Tyrannosaurus skull.

"Lookit that lie," exclaims Rex. "How am I supposed to play that shot?"

Fred replies, "Just quit your complainin' and hit the ball off the tee, Rex." #lamejoke 

Ear

I told the doctor that I have a problem with my right ear. He asked, “Are you sure?” I said, “Yes, I’m definite.” #lamejoke

Carpentry

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun. It took me a long time to find one that woodwork, but I think I nailed it! #lamejoke

Float

How you make an elephant float? Combine ice cream, root beer, and an elephant in a large glass. #lamejoke 

Hike

Knock knock. Who's there? Hike. Hike who? Unsuspecting you. Tim waiting with bated breath. Sets the perfect trap. #lamejoke

Tail

Which animal has the nicest tail? Asking for a fur-end. #lamejoke

Hammock

I was recently coaxed into buying a hammock. What can I say, I’m easily swayed. #lamejoke