What do you call an animal that only walks in straight lines?

Not turnal.

Why was the wrist afraid of the watch? 

The watch was a total Seiko.

What do you get when you see a ghost twice? 

Déjà boo!

What type of word is "echoing"?

A reverb.

What do you call a baker with codependency issues? 

Kneady.

Why aren't Greek yogurt and American yogurt the same? 

They come from different cultures.

What kind of bagel can fly? 

A plain bagel.

Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?

Reese, with her spoon.

What's a robot's favorite website? 

Cyb.org.

It's difficult to say what Joey's wife does for a living.

She sells seashells at the seashore.

Sir Blanc was a knight who had three squires.

The first was kidnapped by bandits, the second was knocked out during a battle and captured by the enemy. 

The third, thinking that this life was too dangerous, ran away. 

In the morning the knight found an nearly empty sheet of parchment. 

The only thing written on it was: "This page intentionally left Blanc"

Which knight never won a battle?

Sir Render.

What did the elephant do when he got a rash? 

He went to the pachyderm-atologist.

How often should you wear gloves in the winter? 

Intermittenly.

What is Bigfoot's favorite food? 

Spagyeti.

Why was the desert plateau embarrassed? 

Its butte was exposed.

What do Amtrak conductors have to do before they can work on the job? 

Train.

“Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.

“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. 

After dinner, the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” 

“Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

How do trains drink? 

They chug.

Which brand of computers do Harry Potter fans prefer? 

HP.

What do you call oxymoronic artiodactyls? 

Hippocritters.

Every morning an old miner went to work, picked up his pickaxe and didn't think much about it. 

Years pass, and he just goes to work, takes his pickaxe and never thinks much about it. 

One morning he goes to work, but his pickaxe isn't there, it's gone. 

He sighes, and thinks to himself, "All these years, I took this pickaxe for granite."

Where do sick boats go? 

The dock.

What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? 

They get their masters.

Joey's father had a messed up sense of humor. 

He loved to tell Joey and his siblings stories before bed. 

His favorite was the classic Peter Pan. 

But somehow every time at the end he found a new way for Captain Hook to win and gruesomely kill Peter. 

Luckily, Joey didn't inherit his deadpan sense of humor.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

....

How to you tell a male ant from a female ant?

Throw them in a bucket of water.

If it floats, it's buoyant.