Physics

I'd like to make some jokes about physics, but I’m not particularly good atom. #lamejoke

Hippo

A hippo with one leg? A hoppo. #lamejoke

Crowbars

Did you know that before crowbars were invented, crows just had to stay at home to drink? #lamejoke

Leather

 

Leather is rated based upon its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides rated "A". But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically "D" Hide rated. #lamejoke

Icy

They say 'icy' is the easiest word to spell. I see why. #lamejoke 

Cowboy

Died and came back as a cowboy. I call that reintarnation. #lamejoke

Puppets

Got a couple of sock puppets for sale. Anyone interested in taking them off my hands? #lamejoke 

Daughter

Joey’s daughter had a baby boy and named him Griffin. I suggested that she put a sign up on the entrance to his room. Griffin Door. She huffled and puffed. #lamejoke

Greeter

Joey was just hired as a Walmart people greeter. He’s on Howdy duty. #lamejoke

Bees

I asked for 12 bees. The beekeeper gave me 13. When I asked him why, he said it was a freebie. #lamejoke

Salads

My wife says the salads I make tend to be a bit on the "dry" side. It's definitely something that needs addressing. #lamejoke 

Guitar

Later today I will be giving you one of the important lessons in learning how to play guitar. Stay tuned…. #lamejoke

Spam

I was on an online video call when a picture of a can of Spam appeared on my screen. I think it was a Zoom meat tin. #lamejoke

History

In history, AD means after the birth of Christ. B.C. means before Christ. Before B.C.? A. #lamejoke

Circumference

When measuring the circumference of a pie, using one pie is not enough. But 2πr. #lamejoke

Cheese

I always keep a slice of cheese in my back pocket… just in queso. #lamejoke 

Nutritionists

Some guy just yelled at a small village of nutritionists. He went off on a diet tribe. #lamejoke

Knights

I’m sick of long winded fables of brave knights. They tend to dragon. #lamejoke

Treadmill

Elton John got his pet rabbit a treadmill. It’s a little fit bunny. #lamejoke

Chips

The kind of chips cannibals prefer? Free toes. #lamejoke

Lama

If a lama with one L is a holy man, and a llama with two Ls is an animal, what is a three L lama? A big fire in Boston. #lamejoke

Crabs

Americans think they’re cool, but crabs invented the sidewalk. #lamejoke

Treats

I only had Hostess treats with me when I had to force feed a young sheep to eat. Yep, I had to ram a lamb a Ding Dong. #lamejoke 

Bigfoot

Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains. #lamejoke 

Frog

They did a blood test on a baby frog to extract its DNA and confirm its heritage. Discovered the frog was 70% British, 20% French, 7% Italian, 2% Dutch, and a tad Pole. #lamejoke

Food

The one food you’d never expect? Soup rice. #lamejoke

Knock

 Dad: Knock knock. 

Son: Who's there? 

Dad: Hike. 

Son: Hike who? 

Dad: Pirates don’t shower before they walk the plank. They just wash up on shore later. #lamejoke

Punchlines

Silly punchlines cheapun the joke. #lamejoke

Motown

I'm almost done telling Motown jokes. I have two or three left in me, four tops. #lamejoke