Programmer

How does a programmer catch the Easter Bunny? With an ethernet. #lamejoke 

Bread

What hops around and smells like bread? The Yester Bunny. #lamejoke

Vegetable

And you thought nobody was gonna arrive to tell root vegetable jokes here, and then I turnip. #lamejoke

Payment

The pope's preferred payment method? PayPal. #lamejoke

Pirates

Pirates usually pay a buck an ear to get their ears pierced. #lamejoke

Bamboo

Where sarcastic people keep their bamboo? In a pan. Duh. #lamejoke

Eating

If a clown comes to your house and starts eating everything in your fridge, don't get angry. It's all ingest. #lamejoke

Boulder

I discovered a really long boulder while hiking in the desert recently. It was about 1760 yards long. Must be some kind of milestone. #lamejoke 

Contest

The winner of the neck decoration contest? It was a tie. #lamejoke

Records

I'm going to start collecting records. That’s my decision, and it’s vinyl. #lamejoke

Vehicle

The kind of noise a witch’s vehicle makes? Brrrroooom, brrroooom. #lamejoke

Policeman

A policeman retired recently. He gave it a rest. #lamejoke

Insects

I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city. It’s a Rome ants novel. #lamejoke

Guillotine

Joey got hired at the guillotine factory. Be heading there tomorrow. #lamejoke 

Pizza

The proper title for a person who makes pizza in a pizzeria? His name is Pete. Pete’s a baker. #lamejoke

Police

Police stopped me and said, “Papers!” So I said, “ Scissors, I WIN!” and drove off. I think he wants a rematch because he’s been chasing me for 20 minutes. #lamejoke

Bees

I asked for twelve bees. The beekeeper gave me thirteen. When I asked him why, he said it was a freebie. #lamejoke 

Orgy

Joey hosted an orgy yesterday. No one came. #lamejoke

Superman

What Superman puts in his drink? Just ice. #lamejoke

Math

Not all math jokes are terrible. Only sum. #lamejoke 

House

Joey's inflatable house got a hole in it, so now he lives in a flat. #lamejoke

Balloons

Although airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control, cases continue to rise. #lamejoke 

Donating

I tried donating blood today. Never again. Too many questions. Whose blood is it? Where did you get it? Why is it in a bucket? #lamejoke

Date

My wife and I had a date last night and it was perfect. Tomorrow we’ll have a fig. #lamejoke 

Airplane

My paper airplane won't fly. It's completely stationary. #lamejoke 

Wife

Joey’s wife keeps complaining about how much she misses him. He’s glad she’s not a better shot. #lamejoke 

Archery

Why the girl who was into archery wanted to date the guy she bought her archery supplies from? He made her quiver. #lamejoke

Blood

Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins. You just have to listen varicosely. #lamejoke

Visit

I can barely remember my last trip to the eye doctor. The whole thing is just a blur. #lamejoke