Avocado

If you hit a mole with an avocado, it’s guac a mole. #lamejoke

Bear

A bear walked into the woods and came out bare. Must have had a vowel movement. #lamejoke 

Rash

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash? With Quit-itch. #lamejoke

Joke

The joke I regret the most is the one about a boomerang and a ghost. It still comes back to haunt me. #lamejoke 

Band

I joined a band called Paper. Mostly we cover rock. #lamejoke

Flowers

Joey told me he was getting his wife purple thorny flowers for her birthday. He said, "Thistle make her happy!" #lamejoke

Pickles

Pickles on a hot dog? I relish the thought. #lamejoke 

Halloween

Halloween brings back a lot of scary trick-or-treat memories from my childhood. Like the time when I was eight and I almost choked to death on a Tootsie pop. Luckily my Grandpa was there and had enough good sense to tell me to stop lolly-gagging. #lamejoke

Joule

Someone said that the joule is the unit of energy in the International System of Units. I was like, watt?!? #lamejoke 

Elf

I heard a knock on my door. It turned out to be a small elf demanding that I take his photo right there on the spot. It was a little imp posing. #lamejoke

Film

My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story. #lamejoke

Watch

I bought a second hand luxury watch. The minute and hour hands were not included. #lamejoke

Halloween

Need a date for Halloween? October 31. #lamejoke 

Doctor

A woman wanted to break up with her doctor boyfriend. He was having none of it. She started eating apples. #lamejoke

Mallard

This mallard waddled into a bar. He should've ducked. #lamejoke 

Beatles

It’s a shame that the Beatles didn’t make the submarine in their song green. That would’ve been sublime. #lamejoke 

Termite

Meet Clint, my pet termite. It eats wood. #lamejoke

Tattoo

My friend, Joey, decided to get a face tattoo of his favorite Star Wars character. You should've seen the Luke on his face. #lamejoke

Posture

I’m beginning to think that I have terrible posture. Call it a hunch. #lamejoke 

Vegetarians

I have no beef with vegetarians. #lamejoke

Insults

When the front end of a car insults your wife, defend her. #lamejoke

Mustard

I tried opening a jar of mustard when the cap suddenly came off and it went everywhere. Now there's Poupon everything! #lamejoke

Actor

Then there was the one about the actor that broke his leg onstage. He’s still in the cast. #lamejoke

Bayonet

Then there was the one about the guy who was rushed to hospital with a bayonet stuck in his chest. He was pronounced dead on a rifle. #lamejoke

Evidence

The Simpson boy was shot to death in a Springfield tavern. All evidence pointed toward Moe, the bartender. #lamejoke

Twisting

They recently arrested the world tongue twisting champion. I imagine they'll give him a long sentence. #lamejoke

Pirates

Pirates never have to bathe before walking the plank. They just wash up on shore. #lamejoke

Nepal

Would a dog man go to Nepal? I don’t know for sure, but would a cat man do it? #lamejoke