Botox

I hear that Botox is on sale everywhere for 75% off. That deal should raise a few eyebrows. #lamejoke

Lunch

I often forget to bring my lunch to work. When I get hungry, I used to eat sheets of paper, but they tasted tearable. Now I eat Post-Its. They’re also tearable, but at least they stick with you. #lamejoke

Decay

"I haven't had any tooth decay yet," said Tim, precariously. #lamejoke

Owl

The Aztec owl didn’t know what the other two owls were saying about him - they were Inca hoots.  #lamejoke

Desire

How cats quietly tell you what they desire most – they wish purr. #lamejoke

Math

I don’t normally do math puns, but I will make one if I half two. #lamejoke

DeLorean

I love my Mitsubishi, but I’m getting a DeLorean as a second vehicle. I’ll drive it from time to time. #lamejoke

Spine

Did I recently post the pun about my spine? If I did, it was about a week back. #lamejoke

Bowl

My wife asked if I’d seen the dog bowl. Heck, I didn’t even know it knew how. #lamejoke

Crab

Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t; it used the sidewalk. #lamejoke 

Opposites

The opposite of progress? Congress. #lamejoke 

Woodshop

Had a traumatic experience when I got locked in a woodshop. I had to use a tiny saw as a coping mechanism. #lamejoke

Special

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's the special tonight?" he asks the bartender. "We're trying out a new Spam sandwich. It's great," the bartender says. "Spam? You mean that meat out of a can?" the guy asks. "Sure, all fried up with some pineapple, it’s a delicious sandwich!" the bartender enthuses. Skeptical, but always up for something new, the guy orders the special and gives it a try. "Well, how was it?" asks the bartender. "Personally, I'd give it an ate out of tin," the guy replies. #lamejoke

Difference

The difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man? Iron Man stops the bad guys, Aluminum Man just foils their plans. #lamejoke

Punctuation

Punctuation is weird. A colon can change the entire meaning of a sentence. Example: I ate my friend's lunch vs I ate my friend's colon. #lamejoke