After my Ph.D thesis on hoarding, I was promoted to add-junk professor. #lamejoke

I tried to make a living rowing cows across a river. It was just income paddle bull with my lifestyle. #lamejoke

Irish line dancers have superior form. Hands down. #lamejoke

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?" 

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later. #lamejoke

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis Presley steak houses. It will be for people who love meat tender. #lamejoke

How do they price hammers? By the pound. #lamejoke