Joey once owned a goldfish that could breakdance on the carpet.

Only for like 20 seconds though.

What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing. They fast.

A man got his house painted. 

When the painters were done they handed him the bill. 

He was surprised to find that the painters were not charging him for paint, just labor. 

He asked them, "You did a great job, why didn't you charge me for paint?"

The painter replies, "Don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."

Joey went to the doctor today and told him he was having problems with his hearing.

He said, “Can you describe the symptoms?”

Joey said, “They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

What did Silver say to Gold at the Periodic Table reunion?

"A, U!"

Why don't you ever see a pirate cry?

When they do, it's a private tear.

It goes without saying....