Why did the Great Woolly Mammoth cross the road?

Because they didn't have chickens in the Ice Age.

When are your eyes not eyes?

When the winter wind makes them water...

How do you tell the difference between a walrus and an orange?

Put your arms around it and squeeze it. If you don't get orange juice, it's a walrus.

What do you call fifty penquins in the Arctic?

Lost, really lost! (Penguins live in Antarctica.)

How do you know that there's a snowman in your bed?

You wake up wet.

What do you call a snowman in the summer?

A puddle.

What kind of christmas candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?

Neither, candles always burn shorter!

What's red and white and falls down the chimney?

Santa Klutz.

What did Adam say to Eve on December 24th?

"Haven't you ever heard of Christmas, Eve?"

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?

"Looks like rain, dear..."

What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santa on his birthday?

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Why does Santa always go down the chimney?

Because it soots him.

What happens to you at Christmas?

Yule be happy!

What did the school bus driver say to the very, very large bullfrog?

"Hop on!"

Why do the little birdies fly south for the winter?

It's too far to walk.

What do you call an Eskimo cow?

An Eskimooo!

(this is so lame)

What did Santa get as he slid down the tight chimney?

Claus-trophobic.

"I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me."